Playing the Food Games

I spent my whole adult life playing the Food Games,  As my weight increased, I began the denial stage.  I went to the Gym on a regular basis for a year or so, a few years back, then I came home and ate chips and junk food, Could not figure out why I was working so hard, and yet not loosing any weight.  My highest weight was 200 pounds, I am only five foot tall, so you can imagine how bloated and miserable I was.  At that time I wore shorts at home even in the dead of winter because I was so uncomfortable.  I was a Gestational Diabetic when I had my son, I lost 40 pounds because I was so sick while having him.  I gained it all back and then some, ballooning up to that 200 pounds.  At that point I did make some adjustments, I gave up potato chips for a while, and dropped down to about the 160s.
  One of the big issues I had during this time was depression, and fatigue.  I have diary's where I wrote about my feelings, and I am amazed at how I was struggling, even though those years when I was raising my son, were the happiest times of my life, I could not shake the depression. 
  I also ate tons of bad food.  I was addicted to fast food Frys and Chicken nuggets, I crammed potato chips into bowls of sour cream. I cooked cereal in butter, I poured ranch dressing all over my pizza.  I ate ice Cream with chocolate sauce, M&Ms into a big Popcorn at the movies.  Sort of Disgusts me just to write about it.  I am being honest here. When people began to show concern about my health, I laughed it off.  I worked for a lady who tried to help me, instead When the kids had partys I played Food Games, the parents feeling sorry for me, hid cookies under lunch meat, and I ate them, thinking it was cute to pull the wool over her eyes.  
  All of this behavior was setting the stage for all that I am going through right now.  Why didn't I see it?  I think some of that is that we all don't like to be told what to do, some of it is defeatist, some of it is just irrational behavior because we feel sorry for ourselves. I remember the same lady who was trying to help me handing me a piece of cake on a plate, then yanking it away saying "Oh thats right you can't have this, can you!"   
  So I spent the next few year in denial.  Living with the aftermath of the car accident, loosing our house, starting a totally new life,  living in the mobile home, getting a new job.  Even though I was by then diagnosed Diabetic and also diagnosed with the neurology, I did little to help my self. I lost an alarming amount of weight, I joked about it.  I began to have more and more pain in my feet,  I was so tired all of the time.  I even began to plan my own funeral, I took my best friends down to the site where I want my ashes spread out.  All of this leads me to where I am right now,  I am tired of playing the Food Games. I am ready to heal, and that is why I am laying this all out for the world to see.  I don't believe it is too late for me, I already have felt improvement from the pain, and I have more energy.  Thanks for looking in  Mrs Cook