Changes....turn and face them.....

I am pretty down in the dumps today,   A friend suggested I vent. So here goes...   A lot has been happening lately that has been on my mind.    I think the first thing has been my Moms job loss,  It is so very hard to see somebody who works so hard get bumped out when the new company has come in.   Her age is working against her, she is a fighter, but time is going to happen, and you just can't stop it.   It affects us as Homeowners here in the park as well, because our payment arrangements will be affected, and of course its the great unknown.   
   My job is based on the economy,  I am always worried about a possible job loss, and picking up the pieces again.  I see things that worry me.  
  I am very worried that winter is approaching and there are things that I need to do,  I work so hard and it just does not cover whats needed, Dave was sent back to weekend purgatory, so its just me on the weekends to get what needs to be done, done.
  I am very depressed by the politics, and by the horrible devastation that these hurricanes and storms have brought to people.  It humbles me, it makes me feel bad about whining, but I have serious financial worries,  so as bad as I feel about everything, I am seriously worried. 
  I am worried about my son, whose life has seemed to stall at a crucial time when he should be building a future, as a parent i feel terribly guilty...Is it my fault?   Why can't he see what he is doing to his life....?   
   I am upset because as hard as I try, I just can't afford the food I need to stay healthy, although the will is still there,  I am not backing down on what I am doing, no fast food, no pizza, no hamburgers, hot dogs  cakes, donuts, ice cream, pretzels, No canned food, no donuts, no bagels, no cookies, no meat with preservatives, No chips, no fried food,etc, its been a long time now, almost a year.  I could do better, I need to do better, but I am limited on funds  I can feel the effects if I do not get the healthier food, it affects everything, from my mood to pain,   I can not imagine where i would be if I just went back to the way I was.  

What dealt me a blow today was that a friend told me that my favorite miniatures store will be shutting down.  Now if you don't know me you would probably say "so what, that's no big deal'   If you know me you would know that the store has been the center of my life for as long as I can remember, I sold my first miniatures when I was eighteen years old,  The owner was very kind to me and gave me the chance.  It created in me the ability for a shy, withdrawn girl to express herself.  it gave me confidence, and a lifetime of creating and selling my polymer clay creations.  
   Miniatures connect me to my Grandmother, who has long since passed away, but she shopped there, and when I am in my craft room surrounded by miniatures, some made by me, some made by her, I feel that she is with me. I wall papered my dollhouse with wallpaper she purchased at the store, when I inherited her miniatures after she passed. I taught miniatures at the store for many years, and met some wonderful people.  I sold miniature little people, food, teddy bears and other things there.  last year i had the opportunity to go behind the counter and fill in as a clerk.  I really can't do the money thing well, but did I LOVE talking about miniatures with people!  I knew where everything was on that floor, and I loved  showing people where things were.  I always felt that no matter how long between visits I could come in and be among good friends,  My heart is breaking if its true that I will never be able to do that again.  
There are no other stores close by.  Miniatures have gone the way of most Mom and Pop things,  You can buy on the internet, you can take your chances with goods made in other country's. But nothing beats holding the miniature in your hands, deciding, contemplating, talking it over with a real person.  

   Yes I suppose all good things change, But for today I just want to be sad,  I want to grieve the things in life that are going away or have gone away from me.  Whether its your parents getting older, Job security, Grandmas who are no longer with you, or things in your life that you always thought would be there.   I know tomorrow we will pick up the pieces, and move along.  Thanks for letting me vent a little bit.   Love to my friends, Mrs Cook

Update August 2012

Been a while since I wrote, been a little bit down lately, still fighting hard to stay healthy, it is my financial situation that is hurting my efforts, but I have really stuck to my plan despite this, because all though I can't buy all of the healthy food I want to buy, I have not used this as an excuse to eat junk food.  I have been to party after party where I did not eat hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, passed on cakes and Ice cream and cookies.   My only offense was eating chicken nuggets at work.  I can feel the regression when I don't eat the greens, I am craving broccoli, I don't have the money to buy my vitamins. I am really angry because I have been working so hard and I am just not making it.  My dog is sick, I have to make some decisions as to her well being and my sanity very soon. It costs so much to have a sick animal,  I can't let my bills go to save her,The thought of putting her down over this makes me sick.
   Also winter is coming up very quickly and I HAVE to have new tires on the car by the snowfall.  
   Still I am more determined then ever to  stay healthy.  My husband told me tonight that potato chips are not fried anymore.........REALLY!   I thought he was making progress, but that's really just unbelievable!!   
   I find that life is like swimming upstream all of the time.  I take pride in being a battler,  but sometimes you just wish for a break.   
   So yes, I am a bit on the depressed side right now, but I am  not going to let that overwhelm me.   I see so many people battling depression, but they continue to eat bad food, sweets, drink too much, etc....I just want to shake them and say don't you get it....what you put into your body is EVERYTHING!!!   
   Politics is really so frustrating for me....I have a strong viewpoint, but I mostly have to sit on it....still hate the nasty back and forth it has become.

Have not worked on any clay projects lately. I have an idea to get some people together to help defray the cost at the craft mall, have not gotten past the idea stage yet, but I am going to need to get busy very soon if i am going to have any money for the holidays.  I have been working on the dollhouse, I think I see the end in sight for the roof, been putting on shingles for nearly the whole year. Figured out a problem that was bugging me. I take it has real progress when I can get in there on a weekday to work, esp since my weekend are often so tied up.
   Done some Civil war but financially it has been hard this year, great time at Greenfield village.  I am going to take some days off for vacation, would love to go to Frankenmuth for the day.   I plan on camping at Wolcott Mill, lets hope that all works out.
I have more to say, but for today I am pretty tired.   Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook

"CUTE" "COSTUMES".....REALLY?

A reenactor friend of mine has posed the question, basically asking why it annoys many of us to be complimented on our "COSTUMES"....
  I have given this much thought so here is my answer to her, and any one else who would ask the question.
   A long time ago a debate arose in the miniature world about the use of the word "CUTE" Now its true that some miniatures are cute, but what that mean?  Cute like kittens? Cute like fuzzy bunny's?....
  Some people who are miniaturists spend long hours replicating something in what we call scale, usually one inch to a foot, often it is furniture.  The craftspeople would study exact dimensions, spend hours carefully carving and sanding, waxing and buffing, to have an exact replica of the piece they were trying to duplicate. In a photograph you would not be able to tell the difference between the full size of the item and the scale size item.  Another issue would be price, a hand crafted museum quality piece could cost hundreds to thousands of dollars.  
 Would anyone who had real knowledge of what goes into creating that item call it "CUTE"?
   To me a "COSTUME" involves plastic, velcro, zippers and the like, or it is something people pick out of their closets to walk in the town parade for their victorian days festivals, they are well meaning and having fun, but they are not educated, they have not studied about what it means to be period correct, While many of us started reenacting in similar outfits, we quickly realized that something was wrong and most of us correct it.  
   Education and caring about what you wear helps the experience and helps bridge the gap between amatures, and true "LIVING HISTORIANS"
  You will also go from camp sitters, to educators, by having a deeper knowledge of what you do, and showing it.






I would like to think you could step into this room!

  So when well meaning people call my outfit a "Costume"  I just smile and say "thank you"  But if a fellow reenactor calls it a costume, I would not like that at all.  You feel that if someone calls your hard work "CUTE", Or your carefully prepared, period correct outfit a "COSTUME" it is demeaning, and devalues the hard work, cost and time spent on what you have done to look as authentic as possible!


"Cute" we are not!   But does it look like we stepped back into time?  I hope so!

I hope not to give anyone the impression I am "Thin skinned" about all of this "CUTE" and "COSTUME" business, its just that I take my interests seriously, and so do most of the miniaturists and living historians I have the great pleasure to call my friends ,but this is the reason  I would prefer it if people could use other words to describe things.   
   We would never ever berate anyone who admires our hard work,and calls it "CUTE or a "COSTUME", maybe just cringe a little on the inside, So if anyone takes the time to talk to us we will listen, answer questions, and be thankful that they care enough to come out and see what we do.  Thanks for looking in, MRS COOK

A quick update from Mrs Cook!

Just an update, been very busy at work lately, so I have not had much time to write.
People are probably wondering about my diet, Still sticking to the major parts of my plan, No flour, Milk, white sugars, Dark Colas, Coffee and very little white foods.  Turned my Dad down for an ice cream stop yesterday...As time goes on this has gotten easier for me,  Financially it is hard to always have all of the good food I want around, But I still am not backing down, I refuse Mcdonalds and Burger King, I have become accustomed to turning down cakes, Cookies, Donuts etc...
   My Dad complimented me yesterday, and that was very meaningful to me, He said" Whatever I was doing looks like its working"   and that I looked better.  That means a lot to me.  
   My work has changed and sometimes this can be very stressful,  but by getting a handle on my diet, I find that it makes it easier for me.   I will be honest here I am not checking my sugar enough, but when I was, the numbers seemed to drop some, I suppose this will be a slow process as my body heals.  It took a long time to mess it up, and it will take a long time to get better.  
   I am nearly six months into this "Super food plan"   I have no desire to go back now, and I rarely if ever have any regrets, Maybe when I couldn't have the rolls at the Eagle Tavern, or will pass up my favorite Ice Cream bar at the fire works.  But here's the deal....One slip up can lead to another and another, I have written about all of this before, Since I refuse medication, I have to be  hard lined about this, this is my life, and Cookies, and fatty cheeseburgers, Pizza,  Hot dogs Fried Chicken,etc... will take that life away from me, not add to my life.  I had to say..."Enough is enough!" And I meant it....

   I have had changes at my work, and now Dave has gotten the shift he has wanted at his work for two years.  For the last couple of years Dave has had to work 22 hour weekends, which meant no activity's, including Civil War reenacting, weekend B.B.Qs, movies, or anything....On the other hand I have had complete freedom on the weekends to do what ever I wanted.  It will take some adjusting to, but I think it will work out.  As far as Civil War goes this will free me up to do more weekend camping events, and allow Dave to participate.  he has missed so much, including the Christmas party's, which he loves to cook for.
    So that is a quick update on whats been going on in our lives, Jordan, Scotts Girlfriend, has been staying with us since her terrible house fire,  Nice to have another female around this place!   We have a wonderful relationship with our neighbors, and their wonderful little boy, he comes over and shares my Popcorn with me at night, and believe me I don't share my Popcorn with just anybody!   As always wish the finances would catch up,  but I have been blessed with great people in my life, so life is good right now, enjoying the summer so far.    Take it easy, and thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook

Casey is snoring under the desk as I write this!   She is dreaming of visiting all of the neighbors around here!  Her favorite activitity!
















































  

Some thoughts on possessions, Civil war and otherwise.

So I am going to take some wild turns in this blog, but I hope it all ties in!  
   Last week was a wild roller coaster ride of emotions, From the Greenfield village reenactment, to the fire that devastated the home of My sons Girl friend,  I have done a lot of thinking about life, and possessions and such.  When we do camp at Civil war, esp those who would open our tents to the public, we really for the most part , take what we need, now don't laugh , some of you who haul my stuff, I have a bed, a table, a trunk that stores my clothing, some dishes, writing materials, a lamp, a broom.  I have some food, a carpet that keeps the coldness and dampness down.   For the Out side, I have food storage, a shelf, some tables and chairs.  Since I do conduct a laundry business, and Cook I have the implements needed to have a fire, haul water and hang up laundry.  
  It all fits in one van.  Wagon size.
Nothing I bring is for show, it is the basics needed to live, I use everything, and If I find  that something is not being used, I dump it from the kit.  
   My luxuries if you will, include a few photographs, some basic jewelry kept in a little box, a bible, and my pipe, and tobacco.  I have a beautiful little mirror that I like.  
  I suspect that most poor folk of the era, and that is what I portray, made do with pretty much the same.  
   In our little community, the folks share what they have if there is a need, You can borrow, or barter goods, or services.  The community works for the good of all its citizens.
   Now look around your house, how much is there that is truly needed for survival, and how much is for comfort?   I for one have a ton of cloths, books, teddy bears, things collected from nearly fifty years of life.  It is my world.
   Imagine if in just a few moments it was all gone.   Scotts girlfriend, Jordan is living that right now.  She showed me the pictures, her clothing is all melted together, her bed is a twisted mess, her parents bedroom now has sky for a ceiling.  A lifetime gone in a flash.
   From imagined horrors of war, to a real life tragedy, in just a few days time.  
  But one thing in common, is community, the want to help, the ability to help this girl, we will share what we have, and our home, and many others have stepped up as well.  
    So I guess the message is don't take what you have for granted, we were lucky that Jordan and her family were not injured, love the people in your life as deeply as you can, and don't isolate yourself from family and friends, don't let little annoyances, turn into big battles.
   Don't forget to be thankful.   

Possessions define us somewhat, but it is the memory's that come from our connections to people that will last forever, and comfort us in our troubles, and sustain us in our lives.  I hope everyone has a truly wonderful day today, Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook. 









































       

A reenactor pep talk!

I just saw a comment from someone who had taken a ten year old to a reenactment, the person was complaining that we don't show the horrors of war properly.  I am not sure how graphic he wanted us to be,  after all we have to balance between entertaining people and teaching people.  If we really showed a true battle scene, with corpses, blood and flying limbs, very few people would come out, especially with family's. As I pointed out,  History with all its graphic details is available to everyone.  As this persons ten year old grows and matures he can learn and see pictures about war, and all of its horrors.
   We do as reenactors have a job to do,  and our number one priority, we must honor those who came before us.  We have to show the public that we are taking our history seriously,  that we care about the people whose lives we are portraying.  because people are watching us. If we act silly or  don't care about putting on a display without plastic bottles, or cell phones, then people will have disrespect for us as reenactors.  
   Nothing makes me angrier then when we are portrayed as idiots in the movies, or television.  We have to fight that by being the best historians, and presenters that we can possibly be, by knowing our history, by sharing our history in a noble way, and by realizing that we need the public if we want interest in our reenacting to grow and continue.
   So as our season begins in earnest, please keep in mind that not only does the public see what we do, but other reenactors have devoted their lives to teaching properly the lessons of history, time and money goes into the serious reenactors portrayal.  Anybody has the means to go modern camping, but to devote yourself to the entire Civil War experience, to be cold or hot, to get rained on, to have bug bites, to get tired from hauling, and cooking, that's the beginning of understanding just what "they" went through, and so much worse then even we can imagine.   
   So lets get out there and fight for their honor, and our reputations, and have a great season!   Mrs Cook  Laundress

Put a positive face on it!

Recently I ventured away from my no comment rules about some things I saw in a loved ones postings that I bothered me.  
   It was about profile pictures and such that I saw as very negative to that persons outlook on life.  It may seem silly to some, but I have always been a firm believer that you should surround yourself with positive images, especially when you are going through tough times.  How you see yourself is a reflection of who you are, and where you are in life.
  I believe that we as people are here to reflect on Gods will, I think this matters as a place to start in life.  I believe in a loving God that does not spend his time punishing people, but has given us a refuge and a place to go when life has gotten hard.  
   After our car accident, I had two roads to go down, blame God for allowing it, or thank God for saving us, after all we survived didn't we.
    I also have a disease that probably will shorten my life, but I thank God that  through his strength I have found coping skills that have steered me away from obesity, and I have found the benefits  of eating healthy.  
   I Thank God that he has always put things into place in my life that kept me from going over the edge.  
   This is why when I see a person represent themselves with very negative images, I get upset by that.  Life is TOO SHORT,  I have gone through and have seen things that are upsetting, but I have managed, and I say only with Gods great plan for me, to have a loving family, the most comforting and wonderful friends, a husband who loves me, a son I love so much, survival skills at my job.  I am surrounded by children, who I love and who love me, I come home to my loving pets, I am surrounded by things that comfort me, Books, pictures, antiques, things that were once my beloved Grandmas, and yes, my Teddy bears.  These are all things that comfort me and make me happy when I am feeling depressed.  
   I am not saying all of this because I think life is easy, I think it is very hard, and harder at times. I am saying this because I think its just not right to dwell on the negative.  Some people use music to find comfort, some people plant gardens, some people have miniatures, or build models,or are into horses, :)  But the center has to be built on faith, reach out to good positive people, draw in positive energy to you.  Then you get to pay it back, and that feels even better.  
   As I say, {And Ferris } "Life is short, you better look around, or you might miss it."  If you are miserable, pray, throw out the negative, and pull that good energy in, don't beat yourself up about the past and things you can't change, but move forward, start a new day, even a new life.  I know its not easy, each day is a challenge, but if I can do it, anyone can, its just a gift to have life, don't let it go to waste.  Now go out and have a great day.   Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook 







   

Getting ready to go home to Greenfield!

I have not written in a while, I have been working crazy hours right now,   I am trying to wrap my mind around getting ready for Greenfield village in just a few short weeks.   The usual problems have come up,  The big white van we use needs a major repair, I am broke as usual, will Dave be able to get anytime off?
  Despite all of this the excitement is building, it really is the Christmas time of our reenacting, everything else pales in comparison.  It is the BIG ONE!  
   As far as my health goes, I am holding up, My brothers birthday was last week, they had Pizza, I had salad, they had Bumpy cake and Ice cream, I had popcorn.  So I am starting to think about the food I will be cooking at Greenfield,  I usually have tons of bread and butter, pickled bologna,  sausage, and other food items I no longer eat.   I will not use this reenactment to wreck all of the hard work I have done.  What I can have is Chicken, fish, brown rice, beans, and grits perhaps for a treat I could have corn bread.  I hope my fellow reenactors, esp the people I cook for will understand.  Of course my fire and pots and pans are available if somebody just can't live with out her noodles!  Margy this is for you! LOL!  
   I do portray a POOR Laundress, so my diet would probably reflect that better anyway.  Of course I understand that reenacting is hard work, and it can be hot and taxing on your energy reserves, but there are things I can do to counter that,  If anything I expect to have more energy, I can bring protein sources like nuts, and I am bound to go begging for a boiled egg or two from the very charitable Mrs G.
   I have a suggestion to my fellow reenactors, bring some dry firewood with you, maybe a couple of those packs of dry-wood, my husbands gas station usually has these set out.  Greenfield is notorious for its really bad wood,  I think if you can get that first fire going, it will help the rest of the weekend.  A couple of years ago I spent hours just trying to get breakfast going, all of my tricks did not work!  I was not the only one.   Of course last years swamp is a bad memory in the annuals of fire starting,  I was lucky due to circumstances beyond my control I ended up on higher ground for my fire, pure luck on my part.
   As usual it can be very stressful getting ready, praying for working transportation, getting help lined up, Waiting for weather reports, but for the most part, I will say that once we are all set and done it is so worth while, it is a long event, we see our friends, some for the first time in a long while,  we get to test our skills to an audience that is paying good money to see us, we have the satisfaction in knowing that we are good at what we do,  we are ready to be seen and talk to thousands of people,  We get treated to perhaps the most lovely Civil war ball of all, in the most beautiful setting.  

   As we like to say for many of us Greenfield is going home.  More to come.......Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook... Laundress















































   

Help, but don't push!

I want to write about people today who are well meaning, and who want to help you, but don't really listen to you.
   People sometimes get an idea in their head about what is best for you, and some of that is based on judgement of what the person they want to help needs, but maybe that is not the direction they really need to go in. 
  After all don't know what goes on behind closed doors when we make judgement calls on other people lives.   Everybody complains at one time or another, but sometimes thats mostly venting, real solutions have to be based on reality. 
   We are adults now, I have been in the working world 30 years, been married to the same man 24 years, I have a 22 year old son,  I have seen the best and the worst life has to offer.   In no way as I get older do I think I know everything.  I don't, but I know my own mind, and I know how to follow my instincts.  I admit I make lots of mistakes, but in general I live a decent, productive life, despite a lack of finances, and a disease I hate.  
   One thing I really hate is being told what I have to do, I will take anybody's advice, but I like to make up my own mind about things.  One thing I won't accept is pity, as I move through this life I have struggled, but I don't like to give in to depression and illness, I have both, but I want to be seen as a survivor, and a fighter.  
   I have found that the worst things that happened to me, happened because I did something that went against my better judgement,  and I paid a heavy price for it.
   Some people get really mad if you don't do exactly as they think you should,  In the means of trying to help you, maybe they are trying to assert some control over you, I don't know.  I guess if you really want to be somebody's friend, and you feel the need to help them, then don't attach strings to it, helping as a means to control people is not really helping.  
   Now on the other hand, I am not saying I don't appreciate people wanting to help me, and I really enjoy lending a hand when I can,but it has to be balanced out, so that nobody feels pushed, or guilty either way.  Again life has to balance out, that's what real friendship is all about. 
  Friends do this for each other all of the time, giving and taking, one moment listening to your laughter, one moment drying your tears.  
   I pray I do both, as a friend.   Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

Don't knock me down!

Started off the weekend in a fantastic mood, very happy.  Not so much now, its like some people just want to knock the wind out of your sails.  I choose to address my health in a different way, and I understand it makes some people uncomfortable.  I was yelled at by two people I care about because I have chosen not to be on Insulin at this time.  Literally told I HAVE to be on insulin.    
   You know they may be right, but anyone who reads my blogs knows why I am doing what I am doing.   I do not want to be in that kind of pain again, I understand every consequence of my actions.  I was in misery, I was suffering, and just don't see how prolonging that was doing me any good at all.
   I just went through a very stressful week at work, and I survived it, and was in a great mood.  
   I believe that part of any health battle starts in the mind,  I have the will to stick to my diet,  and am willing to change the parts that are not working.  I have a great faith.   
   Why do some people who claim to care about me seem determined to want to knock me into some kind of reality check?   I have made my decision.
     I guess that really bothers people, but I have to do what is right for me.  
    Happiness and the quality of life is to me worth more then longevity,  I have a disease that probably will shorten my life no matter what I do.  I have said this all before,  If I am happy then let me be happy.  
   If you care about me, go ahead express your concerns, but listen to me also.  
  I guess thats what this blog is all about.   I am writing down everything I am going through, good and bad things.  If I do pass away, know this, I made my choice, I tried my best, but I decided on a different pathway.   I am a faithful person, so I believe Heaven will be my destination.  I used to think about death all of the time, now I don't.  
    I just don't want anyone to worry about me, if you do then that's great, and I will love you for it, But please don't get all negative on me, that I can't deal with right now.   
   Everything I am doing is about being positive,  From my relationships, to my food choices, I just want to have a good time, and enjoy my life, where it is right now.  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook

Some thoughts on Happiness!

Today I am writing about happiness,  Today I just woke up happy, maybe its because its a Saturday, maybe because I just survived a very tough week at work.  
   Part of my happiness is that my relationships are  strong, I base my life on the principles of LOVE, FORGIVENESS. and PEACE.   I don't like conflicts, I would much rather just have a good time.   
   I am no saint, and while I may complain, and sputter sometimes about this or that, overall I try maintain relationships, if i have people around me who I feel more upset being around, then a good feeling, I try to practice avoidance, Fighting, and bickering is not how I want to spend my time.  As a diabetic, I see that time is precious and how I spend my time matters.  
  I have every right to be happy, I am a survivor,I have learned how to live without a lot of money,  I have followed my heart, and done wonderful and interesting things with my life, I have the BEST friends a person could ever dream of!  I have a  great family.  
   Yes my life is far from other peoples ideals of life, but I try to make the best of things, and if things are not right, I try to make them right, if possible.
   My life is FAITH based,  Not the faith of others, that is their personal business and religion, I go straight to Jesus, what did he say about others, how did he love people, I try to feel empathy towards others, especially those people who don't look like me.  I try to not be judgmental about other people who are from other country's, have different religions, and backgrounds.  Who makes any person judge and jury?   My friends often differ from me politically, While I would love them to see my point of view, I am not going to waste time arguing, I would rather get along.  
   I spent alot of my adult life trying to get some attention by being depressed, waste of time.   Still have days, its only human, but I would much rather just vent, get it over with and move on.   
   I have found that while on this diet, things do not bother me as deeply, or for as long, still had a long tiring week, still have no money, still have diabetes, but this morning I woke up HAPPY!
   Count your blessings, rely on your own survivor skills, reach out to your friends and loved ones.  Take care of your body and your mind, stay sharp as long as you can, and never ever think you know it all, or that somebody can,t teach you something.

    We all have the right to be who we are, we all have the capacity to be HAPPY!  Have a wonderful day!   Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook


















































    

Iceberg right ahead!

Been a while since I was able to put my thoughts down.   Following the big Titanic weekend I find myself in a similar situation at work right now. "You know, I believe this ship might sink!"  " Icebergs, right ahead!" I am scared to death right now, because I can not afford to be out looking for work, I don't want to leave my job, and I certainly do not want to start over.   
   I had a dream I went to live with my old boss last night, yup it was a nightmare!   It brought up all of the old bad feelings that I had over there.  
   As far as I am concerned I always do 110% wherever I am, I try to follow the rules ethical and otherwise.  I do not work fast, I don't run and jump around a lot, I do dance, if that's what you call it!  I like to sing.  I take pride and owner ship where ever I happen to be.   When I worked at  Ferndale Rec,  it was all on me, and I loved it.  I would put in two hours prepping a one hour class!
   Unfortunately I am not getting any younger, the wisdom of working with children for thirty years is there, and believe me I have seen it ALL!!  But the body does not always cooperate.   
   I am still eating very well, and that has saved me during this very stressful time,  but I slipped up a bit in my Vegetable intake, and did I feel it, back to spinach salads for dinner,  Your body just knows when you are stressed and you have to do more, not less to combat it.  How would eating garbage make me able to stand up to the stress?   
    I hear so many people say, "I deserve to eat{whatever}because I had a rough day"  No you deserve to be healthy and strong, its not your bodys fault you are in a mess.   And it will never help you to deal with life if you are sick and tired.  
    We had a luncheon yesterday at work, and as stressed as I am, I did not yield to the Chocolate pie that was at my elbow, or the brownies straight ahead on the table.   Did I want to? Well maybe a little, but my resolve is so much stronger, even in the midst of a crisis.
   So why do I write about this, because I want everyone to know that if I can change, anyone can.  
    I think if I was financially more stable the vegetable issue would be easier,  things  are pretty tight right now, but as soon as I can I am going to load up again, but really, a bag of spinach should not really be that hard to afford, its cheaper then a pizza.  
   So I am sticking to this despite everything else, I know as always I have my friends to help me keep my resolve,I know that I have a responsibility to be a good example and seriously I don't want to go back.  
   So two days until the weekend, I will get there, sink or swim?   Swim.  Swim to the shore.   Keep fighting, and know that God will keep me afloat, as he always has.  Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook
      

Waking up....

Still on the plan, still no sugar, flour, milk or meat.   Financially a bit set back, so I have to be careful of the food budget, but that is NO EXCUSE to eat bad food, and so far I  am not.  

I did go with my son to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the Hockey game the other night, was so tempted to order frys....but I did not.I ordered a side salad, and put naked {unfried} chicken tenders on it. No frys!  

   Also went to The Eagle Tavern Saturday, ate Trout and not one roll...Used to order a whole extra basket of them.  I feel good about these things because I am not letting tradition, and  food rule me.  It is a great feeling knowing you can walk away from frys and rolls, and the experience of going out is not diminished.  Now this may not seem like a big deal to some people but to me it takes a lot and it is getting easier.

   My job is getting very stressful, and it has turned my schedule upside down, and inside out.  I am not getting the time I had planned for Yoga in, so I am really going to have to dig deep to make the time I do have at home count.  I have to do some form of exercise,  Its just that I am maxed out at work, it is not easy to work in daycare, You have to be on 110%  all of the time, you can never let your guard down.  it helps that I love kids, and being with kids makes me happy.  But still I am in the process of healing, so I can't allow myself to not have some balance with work and rest.  

    I guess I am a little frustrated, but if I go back to my old ways, I could never keep up with all that I have to do, I have to move forward.  If I can come this far I know I can do more, Dig deeper if necessary,  I am determined to get closer to the life I want to lead.  

   My husbands progress has been amazing, with out me nagging, he is changing everyday, for the first time I can imagine him thinner, and with some self esteem, and certainly with more energy.  He is giving me some hope, which is what you want from a relationship.

  After the Accident our life changed, then stalled.  It feels as if we are waking up after a long dormant sleep.  All of this is possible because we are starting to care again, about ourselves, and each other.  

  So even though I am undergoing some stress, I believe that we are on the right track.  So I am ending this and my day on a positive note, and isn't that a great way to end the day?  Eat healthy, pray, and find the good.  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook.

   

A Titanic weekend!

I observed Titanics 100 year anniversary of her sinking this weekend.  Traveling to Greenfield village  to first attend opening day of the finest open air museum in the country with My friends the Giorlandos, we met up with more of our historical reenacting friends and ate at the Eagle Tavern, set in the 1850s.  I had a fine meal of Trout and boiled red potatos.  The ambiance of this historical restaurant always fascinates me, I never get tired of going back in history to eat here!  
  We spent the morning touring our beloved village, and catching up with many of the tour guides that know my historical friend Ken, but many recognized me too, even if they don't know me by name, seeing their smiles on opening day made me happy, and eager to start our reenacting season soon soon.

   The next part of our day was spent seeing the Big Titanic exhibit in the Henry Ford Museum,  As Gettysburg is a sobering reminder to me of the lost people in battles, so was the Titanic exhibit, especially on this anniversary.  Going to see these artifacts reminds us that these lost souls were not characters in a movie, but real flesh and blood individuals, they touched the items we are gazing at in the very normal act of living daily lives.  They for the most part were having the most amazing wonderful adventure of their lives, and it is shocking to this day that it ended so tragically .  Even those people who lived would never, or could ever be the same again.  
  I was touched by many thing in the exhibit, A simple bowler hat, a  mans  pair of shoes and clothing, the stunning jewelry.  I came away with a profound sense of sadness.  
  For the most part it is the classic story of heroes and villains, The very definition of class separation, the wealthy and the poor.  It is a tale that warns us that God is still in charge, and arrogance will be humbled.    
    But in the last moments of the ship, while more poor people perished, many of the richest people on board choose to die, and sacrificed themselves.  And in those last terrifying minutes truly it did not matter how much money they had they were all mixed up in it together in that icy water.  
   The world changed on that day, just as it has for all disasters that we go through,  people will want moment by moment coverage, they will feel shocked, they will pick their heroes and villains, they will pray, and show concerns, then they may want to forget what is painful and move on, until the next big disaster.  That is very human of us.  
    The Titanic and all of the lessons from it should not be forgotten, and here it is 100 years later and while we are interested in particular on the 100th, it has current news value, should it be plundered? Should it remain completely untouchable?  I will leave that up to personal discussion.
   I bought a shirt, and a white star plate at the store afterward, a little piece of history to take along, that is the reenactor , historian in me. 
   The next part of our Titanic weekend was the viewing of the James Cameron movie at Kens house, some more of our friends came.  Seeing the movie directly after seeing the artifacts put an interesting twist on the movie, I love the movie, and have seen it many times, but last nights viewing was very special, and moving to me.  We followed the movie with a discussion about the movie and the days events.  
  Since it was late, I stayed over, all night i could not help but think about the timeline of the accident, and what those people had gone through.   In the morning we watched deleted scenes from the movie.  Some of these lost scenes explained a few of the things I had often wondered about in the movie.
  So after a nice breakfast, eaten on my new plate, I went home, Titanic still heavily on my mind.
    As a historian it was a perfect weekend, filled with reference, great friends, great discussions, and the perfect blend of an enjoyable day, yet devoted to all that has come before us. 
   On a personal note,  I just want to again say how grateful I am to have such wonderful, and caring friends in a sometimes imperfect world, it is great to escape to a place that is warm, thoughtful and inviting.  Thanks, and thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook.
  
















































    

Random thoughts...

Been a long frustrating week for me.  My entire routine has been upended, so I am very tired, very grouchy and very out of sorts.   Still on the plan, but not getting the time to do everything I had hoped, grabbing quick bites, and not much time to really do my meditations, and I had hoped to really try more Yoga and exercise, thats been on hold.  But I have not ran to the junk at all, except for the popcorn, harder to give up then I thought. I think that is because I have not had the time to shop for an alternative healthy snack, expect for my Indian Sev noodles, which I need to let up on a bit, even though they are still gluten free.   So while all is not perfect in my world, I am still not letting it slip away.
   Had Titanic on the brain, Saturday will be spent at Greenfield village my home away from home. 100 years is hard to believe, my Great grandparents were married in 1912, and  my Great great Grandfather was suppose to be on the Titanic, but missed that ship, he was on the Mauritania, that sailed over the site, but by then there were no more survivors.   Saturday I am going to see the exhibit at the museum.  all ready saw the 3D MOVIE last week.  
    My son broke up with his long time on again...off again girl friend, so that has been sad for me.  Hard to accept people into your life, then have them gone, and its not anything you can have a say so about.  You just have deal with it.
    Its amazing how you can have all the best intentions in life, but things will always happen, some you can control and some not.  Still how you deal with things is your responsibility, self control, even temper, even in the midst of the storms we have to deal with. I struggle with that,  I have had a tendency toward sadness, self defeat, and self doubt,  I am hoping that my new lifestyle changes, nutrition, and meditation will help counter those feelings.  I also feel that I am a survivor, and that I can make things work out with my faith.  Sometimes just living is  so full of tricky turns, I am glad I am able to deal with everything as it comes.   
    This week I have as I said, not everything went according to plan, but I have not felt the need to punish myself, or reward myself with garbage food,  I hope that will always continue now that I am fully engaged in eating healthy.  I did find some time for meditation and prayer tonight, that always helps.   As for right now i am going to go to bed,I am pretty tired, glad tomorrow is Friday.  Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

Finding the positive!

Yesterday was Easter,  As I previously wrote about, I was unsure of how everything would go diet wise for me.  First major Holiday, First of all No jelly beans!  Second of all I found enough to eat, and did not break my plan, third I stayed away from the dessert table.  I had a wonderful time, very nice day, and i don't feel as if I missed out.  I ate salad, berrys, some Lima beans, and a bit of my moms famous green jello, that has been passed down from my Great grandparents time.   
   Only down thing for me was my Mom talking negatively about the fact that I am not on Medicine right now.  She has her views and I have mine, but one of the most important aspects of my new life plan is a positive attitude about life,   I personally don't care if people want to be on medication, if you want to be on them fine, but I think some people go on medication, then think that's a pass to eat what ever they want to.  Certainly it could only be a benefit to eat well, lose weight, get to the healthiest food possible and improve your life, no matter what your ailments are.  Even if you have to be on medication, the least amount needed would be beneficial to avoid the side effects.  
   My mother unfortunately tends to have a negative view , I can't let the detour me from where I want to go, I truly believe that most of what we do starts with the mindset, If I positively believe in this life plan is working, and other people have noticed a big change in me, looks, weight, attitude, then who is it hurting?  I am going by my thoughts on the medical profession, mainly the legal drug dealers, who are in it for a big profit. And by my very personal experience with what happened to me on the medication.  Yes I tend to have a pessimistic view on the  profit driven aspect our medical system.  I also don't blindly trust anybody, Doctor or not.  I am sure that there are great reasons to be on medications, and great Doctors,  but I know my situation, and I am very sure that I am on the right track.
   Thus being said I am going to stick with my plan and see where it takes me, if I am wrong then I will admit it here for everyone to see,  But as for today I am in so much of a  better place then I was just three months ago, I am happy, and enjoying life.  Three months ago I hated my life, and spent a lot of time crying.  I have a much better attitude, and its rubbing off on the people I am closest too.  
   I am more then determined, and again say that the lost cupcakes, and jelly beans mean nothing to me.  The positive feeling, the energy, and love of life is well worth it. I have faith that I am right about these things.  You have to be true to yourself, that's the best plan I know of!  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook                                                  

                                                      
A beautiful sight to look upon!   This is just one of the reasons I am getting healthy, lots more of this to look forward too!

Just say YES!

Saying NO to so many things that I have to can be difficult,  But eventually you realize it is a good trade off to feeling better.   
   Perhaps you should think of  it really as saying YES instead, yes to feeling better, yes to clearer thoughts, yes to all of the Good things you never tried before because you had preconceived thoughts that you would not like that type of food, or drink.
    Some people I know have been on a Lenten fast, But as soon as its over many will go right back to the things they have given up.  
    I will continue giving up Red Meat, Dairy Milk, White Sugar, White Flour, Processed Foods, and what I call garbage foods.  I also gave up POP and Caffeine. 
   I would have to say I have not suffered at all from giving up these items, on the contrary, I wish I had done this a lot sooner!
   Now I am no diet Saint either,  Sometimes I do look at the Box Mac and cheese at work and have a wishful moment, or the jelly beans which have been all over work the last couple of days, But I have to keep on my plan if I want to see the results I am hoping for....For me there is no halfway, Each day you lose , is a day you will never get back, and restarting is so difficult.
  Also as a diabetic, I have to sometimes go deeper then I thought, like giving up POPCORN every night, That is a tough one,  I already gave up Cows milk and cereal at night, But it is worth it to me.
   Every person has to make their Diet...{LIFE}..plan personal, you have to look at what your goal is, and then realize once you get there, it would be for nothing if you just went back to doing everything that hurt you in the first place.  Food can medicine, and a great part of a healthy life, or if you choose the wrong foods, it can be poison to you, and shorten your days here on earth!  
  Personally looking at how much time I wasted, I just wish that everyone could see how much food effects us, and is a part of us. 
   A lot has been said recently about the cost of healthy food, and people are asking why does a Cheese burger cost 99 cents, and a salad costs 4 dollars, I think some of that is acceptance, but I think the extra cost of finding healthy food is well worth it,  If you have to give up something to gain health, and a better attitude towards living, then the so called cost is worth it!  
Take for instance the cost of my Tortilla chips, Mine are made with no preservatives, All kinds of healthy ingredients, like Flax seeds, they taste really good.  Doritos which have all kinds of additives, and turn your fingers orange, they cost the same as my chips do, around 4 dollars.
   A bag of Apples, compared to the cost of Ice Cream?  Baby Spinach, compared to the cost of Ground beef.  The cost of two people going out to a sit down dinner, with tip, compared to gathering up healthy grocery's for the week?  We only think we can't afford healthy food, it simply is not true. We have to have our priority's in place. 
   The cost of getting sick, is so much more then putting a few dollars extra into your health!
   There is so much that we have to think about when we decide to get healthy, it is so much more then just saying No to everything,  It is good to get together with friends who understand what you are trying to do, plan healthy dinners together, if you can exercise together, talk about what is important to you, and about your goals, Trying Great Health is contagious!  Just some more thoughts, Thanks for looking in. Mrs Cook