Fear of success No more HAPPY MEALS for me!

I am nearly a month into this new life style change, and I am going to be very honest here, I am AFRAID!   
   I have always tried to do this in fits and starts, but never was I totally as serious and focused as I am right now, but I recognize all of the signs and I am at a crucial point in this and it could all fall apart if I am not careful.  
  I weighed 125 today, I worked over ten hours today and I am not exhausted, I have been meditating and trying to find peace in me, even if its not all ways in the real world I exist in.  I ate all of my steamed broccoli for dinner.  Thats a milestone for me!
  Yet I still feel scared, because this new idea of me would have to be a positive person and believe in herself.  I no longer will be holding everybody's rapt attention as I complain about my various ailments.  I really no longer want to be the depressed exhausted person in the room.  I also have miles to go because I am planning on doing this not for a month or a year but for the rest of my life.  My Great grandparents, God bless them ate this way, and I remember as a little child, them eating Blue Berry's and they lived to be 90, and 99.
   It would be so easy for me to take the lazy way out and go back, I really could, but I pray I won,t.  My excuse for living kind of an underachieving life would be gone, no more excuses!
  I know that the benefits from this plan are out weighing the pull to eat bad, but this is all new to me.
   I was a fast food girl, and I thought it was my treat, my comfort, and my duty, especially to McDonald's to go there and spend my hard earned money supporting them.  The Happy meal was IT for me!  So sad, that I will have to spend years on my "Super Foods" plan to undue the damage that a lifetime of fast food, and junk food has done to me!
  You might not get how scared I am, but the pull of addiction is so hard to resist that it has to be a daily affirmation for me, especially as the pain fades, or the eyes clear up.  meditation everyday, praying everyday, resisting pressure, everyday.  Setting the time and money aside to make sure healthy food is always in the house, and taking the time to prepare it even when I am tired.   Thanks for looking in,  Mrs Cook

Updating my success so far!

When I went to the free clinic, all they could answer me was "Its just your Diabetes"   Every time I tried to tell them about the pain I was in and my almost overnight vision loss.  Two different practitioners said almost identical things to me.  
   It has been little less then a month since I started this "Super foods" approach to my Diabetes.  Although I have more to do, I am happy to report some major progress.
  I have very little pain.  I still have some odd little pains and stings, but the deep muscle pain that made me want to cry and the pain in my arms is gone.
  My eyesight is back to the level it was before, maybe a little clearer.
  If it was just my Diabetes then why have these changes occurred, when my numbers are still too high?  
  This is why I say  the medication was partly to blame.  I have also pretty much cut my caffeine by 90%. Caffeine,  according to some research I did can stimulate the nerves, causing increased nerve pain.
  I have also cut out white flour, white processed foods, and red meat.  This has been difficult, but faced with the kind of pain I was having, I have not only become used to it, I am really enjoying my new diet, and trying to eat more things I would never, or rarely ate before.  
   The biggest thing I am noticing is a new kind of energy, I used to be EXHAUSTED all of the time. I was depressed and thought about laying down from the time I got up to the time I came home from work.  I am finding I am doing more, even when I have the chance to lie down.  
  I am rereading some of my Diabetes books, and trying to find supplements I can take , since I do have a lot of allergy's and intolerances, I am just as wary of some of these supplements as I am of medication.  I have been taking extra C, D, E,  fish oil, Today I bought something I have been reading good things about called CoQ10.  It is a powerful Antioxidant for your heart. I need to get a good quality Multi vitamin.  it would be nice if we could get all of our Vitamins and minerals from our food,   But realistically that is very hard to do.  
  My next goal is that I hope the sugar numbers will begin to drop more.  I would like to get some more exercise, and continue to explore meditation and Yoga.  
  Everything I am doing is worth it.  So that makes it easier everyday to continue my health plans.  This is not the time to go backwards, I hope my progress will continue and I can write about the good things that are beginning to happen.   Thanks for looking in,  Mrs Cook

                                                     

How to party without insulting your host.

I went to a party the other night, the hostess made homemade Italian cookies, brownies and chocolate truffles were on the table.  There must have been 50 cookies on the platter, My friend worked all day to make them, so when I say "I can't" she gets a hurt look on her face.
   So what do I do?    I looked them over and took the smallest one I could find and ate it.  After that I skipped all the other sweets out on the table.  Considering the party was right after work and I had no dinner I suppose it was ok.  Now here's the good part, I don't consider my diet plan blown. I have stayed on track afterwards.   It does not have to be all or nothing.  I wish there was more healthy options available at the party, I could have stopped and picked up something healthy to contribute, but that still would not have solved the problem entirely.
   It goes back to when I wrote about temptation.  These are the kind of hurdles we face daily.  I don't want to be a dieting hermit, I am going to go to party's, and  out to dinner.  Realistically I am going to face these dilemmas.
  I am at a point where the benefits are slowly starting to come into play.  I do not want to go backwards.  I am going to do the best I can, most of my closest friends understand, and so when I go to their houses they are really good about providing something healthy for me to eat, and not urging me to break my diet plan.  But you are always going to be put in the situation I was in, It would be unrealistic to think otherwise.
  So take the lesser of two evils, and if you just can't eat one bad thing and stop, then don,t put yourself in that situation until you are stronger.
   Even if you totally blow it for a day, it is not too late to get back to your plan, But if it continues you would need to reaccess and be honest with yourself and find out whats going on.  Healthy  Food can be a wonderful thing, but the wrong food can ruin your life, and we are all worth so much more then that.


                    Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

Finding time to be reflective and prayerful Trying Yoga

The more sad things I see happening around me, the more important I see that having a faith based life can be the game changer, I don't mean political faith, I mean a gentle cleansing of the soul and time for reflection and gratitude.  A time to realize that you can't do this life by yourself, and getting your satisfaction from a bottle, or food or shopping or whatever fills that void is not going to get it done for you.   Empty needs to be filled.
  A wonderful Indian lady is going to help me with some Yoga practice, a way to calm my mind, breath and reflect.
  Now before anybody worries that that takes away from some Christian prayer, or whatever some people might say, I have read a book called, * PRAYER OF HEART AND BODY  Meditation and Yoga as Christian Spiritual practice*  BY Thomas Ryan.
  We are being exposed to so much noise and over stimulation that I think we forget that its O.K to be quiet sometimes.  I take time out everyday to light a candle, pray, read the bible, if I am having a bad day I try to name five good things that happened, or five things I am grateful for.  I hope some people don't see that as trite.  Good health involves so many facets of living, and having a strong mind is essential to overcoming so many barriers to your progress.  
   I do have trouble calming my thoughts down,  But I think it's so important to learn how to focus, I think that's why I have failed at my health, and doing some other things that could have benefited me. If you are sick it is hard to be of a strong mindset.
  I want to learn how to face life calmly and not to freak out when the challenges occur,  I want peace in a challenging world.
   I also believe that the gentle stretches in Yoga could help me with my pain, and my friend say's it can help aide digestion and other functions.   I will write about how this works out for me,   Thanks for checking in and I hope you have a joyful day.   Mrs Cook

Family members who try to sabotage your efforts.

I wrote a few days ago about how I avoided the PUNCKE trap on Fat Tuesday, I was pretty proud of myself, but unsure of how I would have reacted had some been put out in front of me, Delicious sweetness, with razzberry filling gushing out as you bite into that wonderful soft pastry.!    Or the Bavarian Cream, That was my Heaven!   Actually a  diabetic  nightmare!
  So imagine my surprise and dismay when I came home from work yesterday to find a six pack of them, Razzberry, Apple and Bavarian cream!  Sitting in a prominent place on the counter!  My husband bought them and placed them there, "Why I asked diid you do that?"   "Because I did not get one" he says!  
   I was very angry but I walked away, sputtering. 
  Now My husband weighs 300 pounds, does no exercise at all, and works only two days a week.  I am trying to figure out the motivation for him to bring those doughnuts home.  I am into my diet plan now over three weeks, he sees me eating salad, he knows I have given up McDonalds, I eat Red beans instead of meat, he knows in particular I have given up white bread and most white foods, I gave up Diet pop, I ate no part of the double chocolate birthday cake,He made for his birthday.  
  His father did the same to his Mother a severe Diabetic who died at the age of 60.  So this is a pattern, but I suspect that there is more involved. Most obese people love to keep company with those who are the same, it is intimidating to them to see others try, and even succeed at what they themselves are unwilling or unable to do.  Misery loves company!
  What I don't get is that both his parents were diabetic, as was his grandmother who also died at 60, that's only a mere 15 years away, and his father also had a quadruple heart attack, that nearly killed him. As it was his death  came after an agonizing summer in which he suffered horribly.
   Knowing all of this he brings those D@#@!!!  Donuts home!  
  I am drawing a line in the sand here, because what I have started to achieve means more to me then those donuts, and I am just going to keep doing what I am doing, and he can make the choice whether he lives or dies.  Is that harsh?  I don't think so, it is taking all the energy I have to escape my own Diabetic fate, I will try to be a good example, keep being positive and fight this battle,  I don't know how to get him on board, I may not be able to.  Its like I said before, no body can change their life unless they truly want to.  
  But I am going to refuse to fall into the trap, that just because a bad food is put in front of me, I do not have to go there!  

  So I am Angry today, that is  pretty honest, but I continue to be proud of myself and the effort I am making.  Thanks for checking in!  Mrs Cook

My Alter Ego Mrs Cook part four How she became Unhinged

The evening before she was going to go to meet her Husband, There was two horrible events that would be so tragic that Mrs Cook would suffer the consequences for the rest of her life.  Her home where she had resided for her entire married life became engulfed in flames!  While she and her sons fiance escaped with their lives, and a few packed bags, The home was an entire  loss.
  She managed to save her boarding passes, and some money.  A neighbor offered to buy her remaining stock, at a reduced rate to take it off her hands very quickly.  And so the life she had know was gone forever.  She would become very bitter about the war and southerners because she was sure that if her husband and son had been at home her home probably would have been saved!  
  Little did she know that that very day a letter was being sent informing her that her husband had been wounded when a cannon had accidentally been fired and her husband had been knocked unconscious by the  blast. She did not know he was being transported to a hospital in another city, not her original destination!  
  Mrs Cook had never been to a big city, and her fragile state of mind did not have her prepared for the sights and sounds of a place that was so effected by the war, soldiers were everywhere, men and woman shuffled about in a hurry, she needed to find her husbands unit, but she had no idea of where to look.   
Her sons fiance tried to help but she too was  overwhelmed by everything.  They managed to find a place to board, but it was very expensive, and took more money then they had planned on.  
  Their disheveled appearance had caught the eye of someone else, an escaped prisoner and a very desperate and dangerous man.  He watched for them and was determined to make his move on the unwitting travelers.
   It did not take him long.  His name was Charlie and he was starving and desperate to escape south,  he had been captured but he was crafty and had escaped.  The two woman he had his eye on, were newly arrived and he figured they had money on them.  As they left the boarding house the next day, he followed them, and then came around towards the back of them, Charlie put a knife to Mrs Cooks throat, and said "Sister don't want to hurt you but you had better hand over that bag you got and do not scream!"  Mrs Cook fainted, and her sons fiance tried to catch her, She caught a glance of him as he ran away, long yellow hair flowing out, and the ripped and dirty cloths that the Reb wore. In his hands he  carried away all of what was left in the world that they had! 
  A young soldier saw the young woman struggling to help the older woman and rushed to her aide, "What happened" He asked looking around to see, "We were robbed!"  she told him crying, by that time more people had gathered
  And a few of them ran to see if they could find the Reb, Charley, but he had vanished out of sight!   Tomorrow A glimmer of hope, Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook











    

Fat Tuesday update on my Health Progress

Today is Fat Tuesday. Happy to report I had no Punchke today{ I know i can't spell it! }  Had one been put in front of me I might have caved, but I did not seek it out and none came to me!  So lately I have been noticing some progress, I have not been in too much pain, and my energy level is rising.My morning numbers are down slightly, I still might give in and go back on Insulin, but since I am still really sticking to this I am not ready to give in yet!   My wonderful friend Patty gave me a book to read about Diabetes called,"Beat diabetes Naturally"  So far it has been really good, but pretty honest that I might have to go back to the shots.  
  One thing I do lack is exercise, however I do justify that by the hard work I do at work, on my feet all day, washing dishes, mopping floors, lifting the mop bucket, running all over the building when the girls need something.  But I know that I need to do more. I want to go back to doing some Yoga, I have a mat, and a lovely lady at work who could show me some stretches and movements.  I am not ready for any kind of High impact exercise yet, I am to fresh from the pain I was in,not too long ago.  I am looking forward to more daylight hours so that I could take some walks when I get home from work.  
   All in all I would say I am much happier then I was just a month ago. I feel hopeful that I can keep up my plan.  My vision has really improved and I no longer need new glasses as I thought I did.  The other day at sunset I really could see very sharp details on the trees as the sunlight was striking them, It was so beautiful, and the childrens faces at work are no longer blurry at a short distance away!  

   So the challenge now is to get those sugar numbers down, I am sure the more active and less fatigued I am, and the more activity I am up to, the numbers should move.  I will be very disappointed if they do not, but I find it very interesting that the positive reaction to my body is occurring without a huge number drop, proof that the medications were messing me up?   I also have little caffeine now, and no white flour products.  I don't know, I am open to all thoughts about this.  I do know that this positive reaction gives me the incentive to resist the bad food that was causing so much pain.  Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

No more of this!

                                                        

My alter ego, Mrs Cook part two War comes to Mrs Cook

                                                                                     

             

When Mr Lincoln from Illinois became the President in 1860, Mrs Cook soon realized that her world would be as affected as the rest of the country.  Awful news was spreading fast , States were actually trying to leave the Union, The South had fired upon one of our Forts.  She became very fearful, And her life became forever changed when her son rushed through the door one day, flush with patriotic furver,  "Ma" he said  Billy, James, and Fred Carver are all signing up to fight, and so am I!"  " No" she begged, bursting into tears, "I won't let you!"  "I have to Ma, How could I let my friends go, I would be a coward, We have to defend our Country!"  "Let the boy go have his adventure" Her husband said, talk is it will be over in three months, and he will come home, and be ready to settle down!"  Her Sons fiance cried as well, but she also was a romantic, and begged him to write long letters, and hold her image, that she had just had taken, next to his heart. And so in a heartbeat he was gone.  Mrs Cook prayed for his safe travels, but deep in her heart she wondered if she would ever see him again.
   As the months went by She received some letters at first from him, But after the First real battle near Washington, The letters ceased to come.  

    

Mr Cook decided to go to Washington, to find out anything he could on the whereabouts of his only child, Mrs Cook was to stay behind, with her sons fiance staying with her, to help run the farm. It was the time of year where the  hardest chore was maintaining the Animals, and her now reduced household duties.
   She received some letters from her Husband, but she would never know about the rumors that her son had fled from battle, or that he had picked up vices that he had never had back on the farm, and some would say he had been convinced to flee to the West,  and have some real adventurers.  Others would say he had been killed in the battle.  It was more honorable to say that.  Either way, Mrs Cook had no idea where her beloved son was , she just had a broken heart and it was playing on her mind heavily.
   Time passed and her Husband was still not home, one day she received a letter from him saying that some friends he had met urged him to help out the war effort by becoming a Cook, He was too old to fight but good men were being recruited, He suggested that she come down to be with him because they could use woman to help in the war effort.  He would arrange that the farm would be looked after.  She did not want to go, but she was lonely for him.  She convinced her sons fiance to go with her, and she agreed, hoping to find out her fiances fate, and wanting to play her small part in the war effort.  

  It was the very night before she was set to leave that disaster struck,  It would seem as if the fates were so set up against her, that her already fragile  state of mind would forever be the worse for it......Tomorrow,  How Mrs Cook became unhinged!    Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

                                                          









































                                    

My alter ego Mrs Cook part one...

So this is Mrs Cook, She is a lady of the eighteen sixties Civil war era.   She is a middle class woman who had a pretty typical life.  She was married and raised a son.  She was by no means wealthy, but she lived a comfortable life.  She even had the help of a domestic, who helped her with some of the heavier chores around the house a couple of times a week.  She was a good cook and kept a tidy house.  Family meant everything to her.  She has a Brother and a sister who married well and was more well to do , but they lived in another state, although at that time she did send weekly letters, as did Mrs Cook, back to her.
   Mrs cook was born around 1816, she was educated mostly by her parents. She learned to read by learning passages from the bible.  Her mother taught her all of the skills needed to be a good wife.  She married and moved onto a small farm, her life was pretty normal.  She knew enough about current events, but was more concerned about her family's affairs, and the goings on in her local  church and community.   She was faithful and attended her church weekly, she was kind resourceful, Sometimes she could be opinionated, but she was a lady first and foremost.  She and her husband were respectful of each other,  She doted on her only child, secretly wishing she could have had more children, but that was simply not to be.         
  Mrs Cook expected that her life would be pretty much the same for years to come.  The daily routine of her life was pretty much like clock work,  Sundays were for Church and quite reflection, Mondays and Tuesdays were for doing laundry....All  the days of the week  were set aside  for a special task.  Unless you were so Ill that you could not get out of bed,  a rare occurance, your days were pretty routine.  her life also revolved around the seasons, each with its special pleasures and trials.     Her life in northern Pennsylvania   was far removed from the rumblings of discourse that were beginning to occur in other parts of the country, she dismissed any talk of these things, at that time because she could not see how her life would be affected.  Any thoughts of her beloved being involved simply would not be allowed into her thoughts.  There was too much to do on her farm, and she was middle aged now, and determined to be content and happy.  She was looking forward to Grandchildren, and now that her son had become engaged, it seemed that that dream would come true.       tomorrow.

Thanks for looking in, The story about Mrs Cook will continue 




                                                                               

                                                                                  
                                              Mrs Cooks Dream of a Grand child


























       

How did I get here! My MINIATURE dream job.

  I am such a believer that If you are patient God will answer your prayers, or wishes, so much of what I do is directed by him, I often think How did I get here?  I found myself in that situation yesterday working at my favorite store Miniature Makers Workshop.  Some Saturdays I get to fill in for a worker who is recovering from a long illness.  In my entire life I had never worked at a store,, and certainly I have never worked with money before. {Other then small craft shows}  I have been working with kids for thirty years, but it has been about that long since I first came to Miniature Makers, when I was eighteen and sold the owners some little bananas I had made.  I had that Ah moment yesterday standing behind the counter, WOW I am really doing this!    Now the money part I am still getting used to,  But it is the interaction with the customers I really love, since I have been shopping there so long I know where most of the items are they are looking for are.  And  since I still Love miniatures as much as I did while peering into my Grandmothers Homemade dollhouse as a little girl,  I love talking with the customers who love to talk about Miniatures as much as I do!  Not every customer wants your sage advice, some are there to look around, and are lost in their own thoughts.  But some really like to talk, and some are really funny.  I think about myself when I see young people who are just starting their miniature dollhouses, and about my Grandma who got me involved with Minis, so long ago.  Some customers are seniors, who just glow picking out the items that are just right for their mini projects!  It is a fun place to be!  Who would have thought that I would get the opportunity to expand my horizons and try something totally different at this stage of my life.  One of the great things about Miniatures is that age really does not matter,  Its doing something fun and exciting and meeting people who are like minded, and most are the nicest people you would ever meet.  
So how did I get here!   Don't know, just happy to have the opportunity and grateful that it still is the thrill of a life time to be around miniatures!   Thanks for looking in.   Mrs Cook 

                                                   

A vegetarian who hates vegetables ...part two

So we went out to Golden Corral last night.   It is a place that sort of reminds me of Animals feeding at a food trough...Sorry I am just saying, I guess I am looking at things differently now food wise.   When you get invited out to eat at a place where a  Chocolate fountain is the center of the feast and there is every kind of bread, and dessert out to tempt you, you could lose your willpower very quickly.  I think I did O.K, I headed straight for the salad bar and had a Spinach salad, probably could learn to live without the cheese but still, Heres the choice, Fried chicken, or spinach with a little cheese on it!  I then had some white rice,,,{should have been brown if it had been out on the buffet line, and some Shrimp Scampi.   I really did not feel pressured to eat dessert or the breads,  because I was very focused on my plan.  I think it probably would be better for a person that was unsure if they could handle the temptation to eat at a place like that, to probably decline going there.  I knew ahead of time that they did have my spinach, and other choices like un-breaded fish 
  Later in the evening  my friend Pearl finally got my to look at a website called Calorie Count.  Before I was willing to go on my nutritional pathway, I just sort of did not want to be bothered, after all if you are deliberately eating the wrong things you all ready know it so why would you want to take the time that is required to let you know how bad you are doing.  But as I said I have a different mindset know so I let her show me the site.
  Calorie Count takes some time to set up but by answering some questions you can set up a plan that is geared toward your dietary needs.  I am using a plan for Diabetics, based on how active I am, and some other things.  What I really liked is that we put in to it all of things I ate yesterday, and it offers you a breakdown  of things like calories, fats, sodium, etc.  It is sort of like when I have to check my blood sugar, unless you have that number in front of you, you are just guessing!   It gives you a grade on how well you did according to your goals.  I ate too much fat, and not nearly enough fiber.  I thought I was doing just fine, but I could do better.  Maybe by using this as a tool to help me, maybe I could get my sugar numbers to budge in the right direction. Anyways I am going to try it.  I think it could help me to stay focused.
  Now back to my vegetarian state.  I do HATE vegetables as I have said before, but  I am still trying to get there.  I do like beans, they are an excellent form of protein and fiber, and no I do not get "distress" from them, so thats a bonus.  I also like tofu, so that can be a base for a meal,  Brown rice is  good  to base meals on.  *Braggs* Makes a soy spray that tastes good but is very low in salt.  I enjoy Almond Milk which has good vitamins in in and does not leave me groggy, like white milk does.   I will still eat some chicken and fish, but in a lean state and not fried.   If I want fry's, I would eat home made yam fry's, baked in the oven, these are very good.   Instead of flour based pasta I will eat Quinoa which is a good substitute.  So maybe I can do the impossible here, and I can only get better by educating myself, and using tools like Calorie Count, to get to where I want to be.
  I am going to try to add some more green type vegetables as my next goal.  I found that Green peas can be made tolerable by adding lemon juice to them.  So we will see how I do with that!   Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

A vegetarian that HATES vegetables! Part One

Its true I hate vegetables! Especially cooked ones, I don't know if it s the strong taste or texture, I saw on the news that many people are genetically predisposed to hate the bitter taste of lets say, cooked broccoli.  I also can't stand the mushy slimy texture. Can I say "YUCK"  All right When It comes to this I am like a four year old!
  As anybody who know me knows I also can not tolerate Onions in any form, They make me so sick. I am also allergic to Mushrooms. That may be from the sulfates they are packed in.  I have had emergency room visits in the past from things such as this so I have to be very careful.  I also can not drink wine for this very reason!  My Hands will go numb from elbow to finger tips!  Sometimes I will eat something unsuspected and my eyes will go blurry and I can,t see clearly for a while!
  As a huge part of my plan to get healthy I need to pack in vegetable's , So its kinda rough to find enough that I like, I also am increasingly  eating less red meat, I would love to not eat any all all, not only because I don't tolerate it well, but I hate what the industry does to living things.   I will continue these thoughts in my next blog!  Gotta run,  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook

My Hero

My hero is not an actor, singer or sports star, certainly not any politician.  My hero has more courage then any one of those could ever have.  
  He is a little boy who has type one Diabetes.  He is only four years old, but he accepts his Diabetes with Courage and grace.  
  He brings his own food from home so he can not eat the cupcakes that come in with other children for Birthday party's. He has to have his blood checked three times daily at school, He accepts this totally. with out a whimper or complaint  At first I did not want to do this to him, because I know how it feels, but the other day nobody else was in place to check him so I did.  I said lets go to the checking spot to check his oil, He laughed and that's why he is my hero, and my inspiration, He certainly does not feel sorry for himself, he simply does what he has to do.  He does not mind if the other kids watch, its  his daily routine.  The other day we talked about how I have to check my sugar everyday too, so he asked me to check mine the next day with him, which I gladly did, and delighted him.  I told him we are in the same club.  I want him to feel that he is not the only one who has to do this, and that he is not alone.  
  If we all had his courage, to face what life has for us we could do so much.  I spent so much of my life being afraid and hesitant.
  When I had to learn to inject myself with Insulin, it was my little hero that I was thinking of,  If he can do the things he has to do being Diabetic, at only four years old, so can I.   Thanks for looking in,  Mrs Cook




P.S  For those who don't know, to check your blood sugar, you must use a small meter, that has a readout, and load it with a test strip. Then you place a lancet which is a sharp little needle, to draw a drop of blood, into a devise that pricks your finger. You place this drop on the end of a test strip which then is read by the meter.  You should do this at least three times a day.  My little hero does it at least five times a day.  He calls it getting his stings.  

Daves 50 today!

Happy 50th Birthday to mu Husband Dave.   I can't believe we are this age, its cliche but where did the time go?   We raised a son, survived ups and downs, poor and very poor!   But one thing that always saw us through was our faith in God,  All though we have had our struggles God always gave us exactly what we needed, through his time and not ours,   If we had not gone through that, we would not have this now.   We were very blessed to have parents that gave and gave, I hope that I have been that kind of parent to our son, by their example!   I pray that when the time comes we can be great Grandparents like they are to their Grand kids.
  Happy Birthday to our wonderful fiend Pearl, we have been blessed by having so many great Friendships, So many from our Civil war reenacting experience.   But many of these friendships have deepened and would continue long after we would put our tents away for good.  
  I believe that life will always balance out, the scales tipping toward the good if we just are patient and wait out the not so good parts of life.  My dad always says, "Its a great life if you don't weaken!"
   As I have said before I feel kind of an urgency to not be wasting any time, Maybe its time for the "Bucket List"  I need to have my life less scattered and maybe some what more goal driven.  It does not have to be as grandiose as scaling a mountain, but finishing projects, like my beloved miniature farm house, or gathering up the old cloths for donation and clear up some closest space.  I think I will think this out a bit more and continue that thought tomorrow......Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook   

Burrito poisoning

My husband who should know better assured me that the frozen burritos he served me for dinner was onion free, so instead of looking at the ingredient list, I ate the middles out, trying to avoid the flour wrap.  I felt bad right away, fell asleep, and had a face to face with  the commode.  I dug the bag out of the garbage and read for myself the list of preservatives and additives.  
  They say you need to eat whole foods, if you shop around the outer aisles of your grocery store you will be so much better off.  Fresh fruit and vegetables, lean fresh chicken and fish.  Most of the stuff in cans and boxes may be quick to make but its horrible to our health!  All of the salt added and preservatives some of the stuff you can't even imagine eating.  I have heard they use crushed up bugs to color chili, and sand in some foods.  Research some of those ingredients!   
  We are sacrificing our health in the name of quick and easy meals, The worse is what we allow our children to eat, not poor food as treats but everyday.  Fried food, over salted soup, and I don't even want to mention things like hamburger box helper, does anybody eat that anymore?  
  I have developed intolerance to many preservatives, M.S.G and sulphites, and some of the sugar substitutes.  Some Diet Pop causes me to have blurred vision Hives and my heart races and I get very tired and just not well.  
I am learning from experience how a life time of poor food choices impacts our health,  I learned last night how after a week and a half of pretty good food choices, how quickly a poor choice can set me back.   
  You can't trust other people to do it, My first instinct was not to eat it, and I certainly should have read the list on the bag.  If your loved ones insist on eating poorly, then you have to set the example and eat right for yourself, then hopefully by your example they will catch on.  
Still feeling sick this morning, but I have to get going,  Happy Valentines Day!  Thanks for looking in,  Mrs Cook
  P.S  Speaking of Valentines day,  I do allow my self one square of good dark Chocolate, Its actually good for you, and if I have given up Cookies, Cupcakes, and Cake, it makes me feel less deprived and more apt to stick to my plan!  :)   HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

I am not ready to die.

As I said in my last blog, Whitney Houston died at the age of forty eight, the same age I am now.  Sometimes you hear story's about people who were in your peer group when you were young dying, I found out that my first fiance died a few years back.  
  I bring this up because I have spent a lot of time talking about dying as if it was something casual , my son said I have a death wish. As a matter of fact he had a dream I died the other night, he said he was very angry with me.  He asked me yesterday how my new diet was working out, then he told me about his dream.  I thought about this, first of all he really cares about me, and second is that I have been pretty selfish.  
  I have wasted so much time, I have allowed myself to treat my body, and self as if it really did not matter what I did.  It is also a sad way to draw attention to yourself.  I have some talents, I love working with Polymer clay, and have only tapped into a very small part of what I could do with that.  I also love building miniatures, I love working with wood, and researching my projects, I have learned more about architecture, historic eras, and the people who have made and sold miniatures then I could have ever imagined, so much so that I slipped right into working some Saturdays at my favorite miniature store with out really skipping a beat.  I also Love my historic reenacting, playing the laundress a unique, and I hope historically accurate character.  In my 15 seconds of fame, I won a national contest in American miniaturist magazine, I also, Thanks to my great friend Ken Giorlando (Check out his blogs!}  Got the thrill of a lifetime being on the cover of Citizens Companion Magazine, With his wife Patty, also one of my best friends in life.  
  I am not bragging here, but making a point, I am not ready to die, I have so much more I would like to do.  I don't have time to just spend time laying on the couch because I am too exhausted after work to do anything else.  I do not have time to wrestle with this pain,  I would rather have people see me as a triumphant person then a pitiful wreck who could have done more with her life. 
  Its possible I am really being hard on myself here, but if my lifestyle and choices are causing fear in the people that I love, especially my beloved son, then I have to change.  This is my new motivation to continue on.  Thanks for looking in.    Mrs Cook

Why I care about Whitney Houston's death

I am very sad about Whitney Houston's death, she was without a doubt one of the greatest singers of all time.  She is also a tragic figure and I just hope this does not become the byline every time we hear one of her great songs,  once the dust has settled after her death.  
  She was forty-eight years old, the same as I am.  She battled addiction,  she will be called a druggie and some people will say horrible things about this beautiful lady.  But not everyone is as strong as we would like them to be, no body grows up and says "I want to be a drug addict, or an alcoholic "
  Here is why I relate to this on a personal level.  Nobody wants to be food addicted either,  Nobody says "Hey I want to be an out of control Diabetic!"  I am sure she was a faithful person, so am I.  Some of my previous blogs have been about temptation and well meaning people who don,t understand that you have a weakness, and if the thing that you are addicted to is put in front of you often enough you will probably give in, enjoy the moment, then hate yourself afterward for giving in.   How many people will smile and say, "well you have to die sometime" as they do the very thing that will lead them there.
  Lets not be too judgmental about things that other people do because we all have our demons.  lets not be too hard on ourselves if we lend support to a person and they still have a hard time changing, or if our good advice seems to be rejected at the moment.  A person usually has two choices in life, they want to change and will really make an effort to get better, or they will die.  The want to succeed has to lie in a persons heart, but even then they have to fight everyday of their life to not go back to the thing that they are addicted to.
  Please don't say well food addiction is not like drug addiction, anything that has the potential to kill you as the end result is serious.  
  I just hope and pray that this beautiful and talented person is at peace now, God bless her.                            Mrs Cook
  

Middle age musings

All right I don't mind hedging toward the half century mark, but geez my body sure is not letting me forget it!
   I have Diabetes, nerve damage, bad eyesight, thinning hair,  arthritis and a pain in my shoulder that won't quit.  And when did these wrinkles get here?  I don't like this getting older thing, yea I know older and wiser, But come on,  When did people in their fifty's become my peer group?  Ok we do have fun, and do interesting things, but we fall asleep at ten o clock!  Rum and Vodka has become tea, but only if its caffeine free!   "Pigging out"  Means looking out for cholesterol, salt, or sugar,  I guess popcorn is still ok, in moderation! 
  I don't like having stiff joints, I used to to go roller skating, can't even imagine, and ride a bike, "what would happen if I fall off!"  I got bifocals last year, still have to ride the glasses precariously on the tip of my nose to read anything!   I am cold all of the time, I slept in a hooded sweatshirt last night!  Of course every now and then I wake up in a cold sweat, just to balance things out!
  We look at each other when these young celebs are on morning television, and say, "who the heck is that?  Then I say " I haven't got a clue!   I still call  DVDS  records,  I remember when Ding Dongs and Poptarts did not taste like cardboard, not that I get to eat those things anymore, just a fond memory  I remember when Laugh In, The Brady Bunch, And Carol Burnett where not in reruns.  I remember piling into the back of our car in our P.Js at the local Drive In.
  Our school pictures were in Black and White!   Our teachers wore Bee Hives and dresses!  My mom made me read scary books about Hippies.
  My Dad took pictures with flash bulbs.  Special effects were done with real stuntmen,  Walter Cronkite was the voice of real news and you believed him.  The Olympics were every four years and a big deal in our household.  And we only had a handful of channels to surf through, 2,4,7, 20 56,and 62.  My Dad listened to the tigers on a little transistor radio.
  Our parents ran into the store, and the bank while we waited in the car.  We did not wear pads and helmets and drove everywhere on our bikes.  We wore" non flamible"  P.Js ...My brother still managed to catch his on fire.
About ten years back I stopped being able to catch up with the current gaming  system.  I remember to this day the first time I saw a packman game, and the first time I went into a video store,  We did not talk to our dates in secret, the phone was attached to the wall in the kitchen.
So many memorys.  So if the body would just give me a break, I could look forward to seeing what the next phase of life will bring me, going to stop writing for now, I have a crick in my back!   Thanks for looking in,  Mrs Cook

Temptation due to Canolis

Not only did I give up Hashbrowns and toast at Breakfast today!   I passed on canolis {I know that is spelled wrong!} I passed on Pita bread, I am going to the movies tonight....No Candy, No POP!!!  Well Gotta go...Thanks for checking in! Mrs Cook

Dangerous time...

Today Its been one week since the number 543. I have been following my diet with very little exception but I am frustrated that the numbers are not where I want them.  As if a life time of poor eating and just plain stupid choices are going to be wiped out in one week!  This is the DANGER TIME...the time where you say "Oh well its not working....bring on the COOKIES!!!"   This is the time where resolve flys out the window....And this is why I am putting this down for all the world to see.  I am deeply proud of myself for what I HAVE accomplished this week.  I ate no bread, stopped picking at the treats I serve at work, like animal crackers and pretzels, No pop...Survived a Super Bowl party that had great food served, and No Mcdonalds.  Still I want that number to come down.   I meditate on it to calm myself and to tap into the energy that I know my faith can help me to achieve.  I am still also considering the insulin issue, but if I have to go to it, I want it based on a truer number then when I was playing FOOD GAMES and not really trying at all.  
Next week we have some BIRTHDAY PARTYS to celebrate, our Great friend Pearls, and my husbands 50th are next week on the same day.   So it will be a struggle, but I am going to see my way through it.  Thanks for checking in,  Mrs Cook  

Playing the Food Games

I spent my whole adult life playing the Food Games,  As my weight increased, I began the denial stage.  I went to the Gym on a regular basis for a year or so, a few years back, then I came home and ate chips and junk food, Could not figure out why I was working so hard, and yet not loosing any weight.  My highest weight was 200 pounds, I am only five foot tall, so you can imagine how bloated and miserable I was.  At that time I wore shorts at home even in the dead of winter because I was so uncomfortable.  I was a Gestational Diabetic when I had my son, I lost 40 pounds because I was so sick while having him.  I gained it all back and then some, ballooning up to that 200 pounds.  At that point I did make some adjustments, I gave up potato chips for a while, and dropped down to about the 160s.
  One of the big issues I had during this time was depression, and fatigue.  I have diary's where I wrote about my feelings, and I am amazed at how I was struggling, even though those years when I was raising my son, were the happiest times of my life, I could not shake the depression. 
  I also ate tons of bad food.  I was addicted to fast food Frys and Chicken nuggets, I crammed potato chips into bowls of sour cream. I cooked cereal in butter, I poured ranch dressing all over my pizza.  I ate ice Cream with chocolate sauce, M&Ms into a big Popcorn at the movies.  Sort of Disgusts me just to write about it.  I am being honest here. When people began to show concern about my health, I laughed it off.  I worked for a lady who tried to help me, instead When the kids had partys I played Food Games, the parents feeling sorry for me, hid cookies under lunch meat, and I ate them, thinking it was cute to pull the wool over her eyes.  
  All of this behavior was setting the stage for all that I am going through right now.  Why didn't I see it?  I think some of that is that we all don't like to be told what to do, some of it is defeatist, some of it is just irrational behavior because we feel sorry for ourselves. I remember the same lady who was trying to help me handing me a piece of cake on a plate, then yanking it away saying "Oh thats right you can't have this, can you!"   
  So I spent the next few year in denial.  Living with the aftermath of the car accident, loosing our house, starting a totally new life,  living in the mobile home, getting a new job.  Even though I was by then diagnosed Diabetic and also diagnosed with the neurology, I did little to help my self. I lost an alarming amount of weight, I joked about it.  I began to have more and more pain in my feet,  I was so tired all of the time.  I even began to plan my own funeral, I took my best friends down to the site where I want my ashes spread out.  All of this leads me to where I am right now,  I am tired of playing the Food Games. I am ready to heal, and that is why I am laying this all out for the world to see.  I don't believe it is too late for me, I already have felt improvement from the pain, and I have more energy.  Thanks for looking in  Mrs Cook 

The Super Food Plan

I am trying to approach my new resolve to help my self, with a diet plan that to me makes so much good sense, that I ask myself why has it been so difficult for me to just do it.  
As I wrote previously the pressure on Diabetics is intense.  One issue I have, and again I will tell you this is my experience and personal thoughts, Is  the fight with white foods.   
  White foods, including Bread, Potatoes, Rice, and others, are over processed and have been mostly stripped of their vitamins and fiber.  These starches break down very quickly and turn into sugar super fast.  The problem I have is that they taste good, super bland comfort food,  Now heres what I think happens to me, I begin to crave these bland foods, I would rather have had a thick cut of soft white bread with a huge slab of butter, then even a brownie. I believe that when we are stuck in a carbo craze cycle, we begin to lose our taste for the stronger flavors of fruits and vegetables.  I eat the white carb, crave more, then fall asleep, The next day the cycle repeats itself.  All the while raising my sugars higher and higher.  The pain level in my legs and arms has also increased on this cycle.
These are the steps I am trying to take to end this carb crazing and reduce my pain.

1.  I have reduced my caffeine intake down to about a cup a week, and trying to get it down to even less.  


  Everybody says they can't live without their coffee or pop.  I said that as well, but I found through research, and my own experience that caffeine stimulates the nerves and aggravated my pain.  It also kept me up at night, and caused my kidneys to act up.  I am finding that in time I am getting through my day, and sleeping better,  also my heart is not pounding so much, especially at night.  


2.  I have begun to take some vitamins.


  I felt that because I had been eating so poorly, I should try some vitamins and I started taking some D, some fish oil, C and a basic multi-vitamin.  There is a lot of things said about supplements, I would say spend a little bit of money to buy better quality vitamins, but don,t think that they will wipe out the effects of your poor diet


3.  I am trying a diet somewhat based on a whole food approach, but I prefer to think of it as a Super Foods Plan


Its amazing to me that once I do reduce the white carbs, the taste of Fruits and vegetables becomes so good to me.  I had forgotten how much I love the taste of spinach salad, strawberry's, apples, even broccoli.  I am trying to make every thing I eat count.  There are a lot of books and articles written about Super Foods,  These are some of mine....Raw spinach, Broccoli, Berrys, Apples, Almonds, Brown rice, Yams, Salmon, Avocado, Whole Oats, Lean chicken, Soy foods like Tofu . I am also replacing White milk with Almond Milk. 


4.  Eliminating white flour.


  The most difficult part because so much of my plan.  So much of my food pleasure and pain has revolved around white flour and  products made from white flour.  I LOVE bread, but I HATE what it has done to me in terms of my super high sugar, my former obesity, the PAIN,  The make up of my former diet was based on bread, buns, pretzels, cookies, cereal, crackers, and so many products that have wheat based ingredients.  More then just the high sugar I have digestive pain.  You can try whole grain bread if you can,t live with out it, but go for breads with at least seven whole grains, the chewy kind.


5.  Reduction of Butter, Salt, Fatty Meats, Sauces with high salt, and sugar.


   It just goes without saying that a healthy diet reduces the need for the fat, sugar and salt.  Enough has been written on these subjects. Its just common sense! 


That's my plan.  It is not difficult, costly or based on strange concepts.  It only requires the willpower to stick to it in the face of pressure.  It will take a day by day desire to live a life that is not PAIN filled, a real desire to get off the couch and lead an active positive life. A real want to reduce or eliminate costly   medication with unwanted side effects.  
                                               Thanks for checking in,  Mrs Cook 

Super Pressure!

So yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday and my first real test when put under pressure. Went to the home of my friends the Jones to watch the Super Bowl, They served up Pizza, Hot Dogs and Chilli, Cherry Pie and Chocolate chip Ice Cream.  Avocado Dip was also on the menu..A personal favorite of mine.  I brought Broccoli and baby carrots, some cheese cubes and corn chips.  I also brought a vitamin water and skipped the Pop.  I made a plate up of the veggies, some Avocado dip, some corn chips. Later I dug out a few Cherry's from the pie.   I did not finish my plate.
I feel really good about this.  Our culture is so food based and we use every Holiday and occasion to justify our over indulgence, thats O.K if you are healthy and of a normal waistline, but if you are Diabetic it is a dangerous and deadly way to celebrate.  Every time we let go and say, well its Christmas, or its your friends birthday, or its Fat Tuesday, or its the big game, or just this once....Almost everyday can be somebody's occasion  to celebrate, our co-workers bring in a big plate of cookies they just baked, The boss brings in bagels,  You get the picture.  For a diabetic this is such an issue, because I know from personal experience the vow I take in the morning to make the right choices has gone right out the window as soon as the pressure builds and the goodies are right in front of my face!
A diabetic can and will fail under the intense pressure to indulge coming from people who just don't realize the harm in saying, "Oh just go ahead, its only one"  or the hurt look they will give you when you just won't take their labor of love that they brought in to share with you.  So you give in, your morning resolution broken, and the rest of the day you blow, because you have already slipped up and you will restart your diet tomorrow, until its Susie Co-workers Birthday, and it would be rude of you to skip out of the fun!
I have been there and done it for so many years, This loss of self control that has led me to experience the worst five months I have ever experienced. It is the pain and the reality check that I am going to places with this disease that I may not be able to pull back from.  I have felt helpless and have thought about my funeral.  I had .begun the process of giving in and giving up.
But I am a fighter, I am a faithful person, and a survivor.  I am not going to give up without a fight!  I have way to many things to do and finish.  Already the  first steps I have taken, although not perfect, has began to relieve my pain, in just a few days.  Am I mentally strong enough to  resist the PRESSURE ?  I am writing this blog to be brutally honest with myself, to share my ups and downs. Next time I will start to write about more of the changes I am trying to do.  Thanks for looking in,    Mrs Cook

543...A number I can't live with.

543....Wow that's what my blood sugar ran three days ago...I had eaten half an order of hash browns, one half piece of toast, and two eggs. One cup decaff coffee.
Scary number, normal is suppose to be around 90 to 120.   543  it is the number of somebody who has not taken Diabetes  seriously.
I have been diabetic for around 15 years officially, I had it when I was pregnant with my son.  My Mother and Father have it,  Both of my brothers have it, My Grandma had it.
I have no Heath Care Insurance.  I used to before the car accident, but since then about seven years ago, we lost it all.  It has been a rough trip ever since then.
I do have to declare, and I will make a lot of people shake their heads over this I distrust a medical system that is profit driven.  I think that we are over medicated and I have always resisted the idea that all of our ills can be cured with popping pills.  Even so I decided about four months ago to try a free clinic to try to get some help for my Diabetes,  I started with Metforman and that was a disaster, I was also given at least two other pills to take as well.  I couldn't eat anything, I had to stay near the bathroom, my eyesite became so bad over night that I could not see to drive or see the T.V or computer screen.  They also decided to put me on Insulin, which I went back to the clinic three weeks later to learn how to inject myself with.  I tried to do this, I really did, I was doing the thing I feared most and had dreaded for years.  Bad, but not as bad as I thought.   Then the pain started.
Now I know what nerve pain feels like, I have diagnosed neuopathy,{ A test where they ram needles all up and down your legs and run electricity into them!  What fun that was!! }  This new pain was so intense I cried, it felt like I had glass jammed into my toes, and the shooting nerve pain was a hundred times worse then I had ever had, even worst the muscles in my legs tightened up and they almost felt wooden to me!  My hands also hurt, and my eyesight just got worse....When I went back to the free clinic the Dr...Nurse....I am not sure what she was simply was not interested in what I was saying to her, "Its just your Diabetes"  she said about everything I told her.  Three months later I had another appointment, the pain was so much worse, all I could do was make it through work at the daycare, I took the day off and prepared to have my visit. The day before the appointment they called and wanted me to cancel because they had overbooked. I told them NO I needed to see someone about all of the pain and my eye site.  The next day I went in and the girl with the attitude at the counter said.."Oh didn't they call you you were not suppose to come in" I said I did not cancel and I had to see somebody.  Well my husband was in the lobby and he told me later she openly Bitched about me for a half hour because I went ahead with my appointment.  As before the Dr said my complaints were " just my Diabetes"  And she gave me even more pills.   She wanted to set me up with an endocrine Dr. Now the last time I had bloodwork at the Free clinic I got a bill for $200.00 and seeing that I am still stuck with a $4000.00 bill for a kidney infection from the emergency room at a local hospital, I just basically gave up.
So I went off of everything.   Dumb move...Perhaps, but I can't live with that kind of pain, and the side effects of the medications have side effects which have the same thing I am trying to get rid of!
So we are back again to the number 543.   I can't live with that number...So by accident I found a website called  *DEATH FROM DIABETES*   I spent two hours just on the site, and did not finish it all, basically it reaffirms all that I had thought about medication, and about how food can be medicine.
I had kind of had these ideas, I had read a wonderful book called *DIABETES WITHOUT DRUGS*  about a year or so ago.   Perhaps its radical, perhaps its not what the Medical Industry wants to hear, but I began to seriously look at this approach, 543 scared me.  My next blog will be more about what I am going to try to do, will it work?  And an honest assessment of how I am doing.   Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook

let me introduce myself....Mrs Cook

This being My first blog, I will introduce myself and write a little bit about my life so far.  I think I have had an interesting life, both as an Historical reenactor, and as an avid miniaturist, I have worked with children for over thirty years, from being a teachers aide, bus driving, working with Toddlers teaching art and music, to cooking in a day care.  I was recently on the cover of Citizines Companion magazine, and I once won first prize in a miniature magazine.  I am married and have a son who just turned twenty two .  I have two of the cutest little black and white dogs, and some cats.  Several years ago Our family was involved in a car accident that changed the entire direction of my life. Someday I will write about that, I consider myself a liberal Christian, and my Great Grandparents were Jewish, I am a people person, and I believe that the heart of my religion is the teachings of Jesus about the compassion for the poor, and of all people.  
The reason I started this blog is to write about my daily fight with Diabetes and how it effects my life and threatens my ability to do all of the things that I love.  I feel that at this stage I am in the battle for my life.  I am fighting for my very survival .  I want to chronical what its like to deal with this everyday,  The pain, the fight with food, the life of someone who has a illness, and yes I have NO HEALTH INSURANCE!  It is a story about all of the emotions a person has to deal with with diabetes.  I would love this story to have a happy ending, I suppose some days I will be very angry, and some dqys will be more upbeat.  I think it will be helpful to some people.  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook