Don't knock me down!

Started off the weekend in a fantastic mood, very happy.  Not so much now, its like some people just want to knock the wind out of your sails.  I choose to address my health in a different way, and I understand it makes some people uncomfortable.  I was yelled at by two people I care about because I have chosen not to be on Insulin at this time.  Literally told I HAVE to be on insulin.    
   You know they may be right, but anyone who reads my blogs knows why I am doing what I am doing.   I do not want to be in that kind of pain again, I understand every consequence of my actions.  I was in misery, I was suffering, and just don't see how prolonging that was doing me any good at all.
   I just went through a very stressful week at work, and I survived it, and was in a great mood.  
   I believe that part of any health battle starts in the mind,  I have the will to stick to my diet,  and am willing to change the parts that are not working.  I have a great faith.   
   Why do some people who claim to care about me seem determined to want to knock me into some kind of reality check?   I have made my decision.
     I guess that really bothers people, but I have to do what is right for me.  
    Happiness and the quality of life is to me worth more then longevity,  I have a disease that probably will shorten my life no matter what I do.  I have said this all before,  If I am happy then let me be happy.  
   If you care about me, go ahead express your concerns, but listen to me also.  
  I guess thats what this blog is all about.   I am writing down everything I am going through, good and bad things.  If I do pass away, know this, I made my choice, I tried my best, but I decided on a different pathway.   I am a faithful person, so I believe Heaven will be my destination.  I used to think about death all of the time, now I don't.  
    I just don't want anyone to worry about me, if you do then that's great, and I will love you for it, But please don't get all negative on me, that I can't deal with right now.   
   Everything I am doing is about being positive,  From my relationships, to my food choices, I just want to have a good time, and enjoy my life, where it is right now.  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook

Some thoughts on Happiness!

Today I am writing about happiness,  Today I just woke up happy, maybe its because its a Saturday, maybe because I just survived a very tough week at work.  
   Part of my happiness is that my relationships are  strong, I base my life on the principles of LOVE, FORGIVENESS. and PEACE.   I don't like conflicts, I would much rather just have a good time.   
   I am no saint, and while I may complain, and sputter sometimes about this or that, overall I try maintain relationships, if i have people around me who I feel more upset being around, then a good feeling, I try to practice avoidance, Fighting, and bickering is not how I want to spend my time.  As a diabetic, I see that time is precious and how I spend my time matters.  
  I have every right to be happy, I am a survivor,I have learned how to live without a lot of money,  I have followed my heart, and done wonderful and interesting things with my life, I have the BEST friends a person could ever dream of!  I have a  great family.  
   Yes my life is far from other peoples ideals of life, but I try to make the best of things, and if things are not right, I try to make them right, if possible.
   My life is FAITH based,  Not the faith of others, that is their personal business and religion, I go straight to Jesus, what did he say about others, how did he love people, I try to feel empathy towards others, especially those people who don't look like me.  I try to not be judgmental about other people who are from other country's, have different religions, and backgrounds.  Who makes any person judge and jury?   My friends often differ from me politically, While I would love them to see my point of view, I am not going to waste time arguing, I would rather get along.  
   I spent alot of my adult life trying to get some attention by being depressed, waste of time.   Still have days, its only human, but I would much rather just vent, get it over with and move on.   
   I have found that while on this diet, things do not bother me as deeply, or for as long, still had a long tiring week, still have no money, still have diabetes, but this morning I woke up HAPPY!
   Count your blessings, rely on your own survivor skills, reach out to your friends and loved ones.  Take care of your body and your mind, stay sharp as long as you can, and never ever think you know it all, or that somebody can,t teach you something.

    We all have the right to be who we are, we all have the capacity to be HAPPY!  Have a wonderful day!   Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook


















































    

Iceberg right ahead!

Been a while since I was able to put my thoughts down.   Following the big Titanic weekend I find myself in a similar situation at work right now. "You know, I believe this ship might sink!"  " Icebergs, right ahead!" I am scared to death right now, because I can not afford to be out looking for work, I don't want to leave my job, and I certainly do not want to start over.   
   I had a dream I went to live with my old boss last night, yup it was a nightmare!   It brought up all of the old bad feelings that I had over there.  
   As far as I am concerned I always do 110% wherever I am, I try to follow the rules ethical and otherwise.  I do not work fast, I don't run and jump around a lot, I do dance, if that's what you call it!  I like to sing.  I take pride and owner ship where ever I happen to be.   When I worked at  Ferndale Rec,  it was all on me, and I loved it.  I would put in two hours prepping a one hour class!
   Unfortunately I am not getting any younger, the wisdom of working with children for thirty years is there, and believe me I have seen it ALL!!  But the body does not always cooperate.   
   I am still eating very well, and that has saved me during this very stressful time,  but I slipped up a bit in my Vegetable intake, and did I feel it, back to spinach salads for dinner,  Your body just knows when you are stressed and you have to do more, not less to combat it.  How would eating garbage make me able to stand up to the stress?   
    I hear so many people say, "I deserve to eat{whatever}because I had a rough day"  No you deserve to be healthy and strong, its not your bodys fault you are in a mess.   And it will never help you to deal with life if you are sick and tired.  
    We had a luncheon yesterday at work, and as stressed as I am, I did not yield to the Chocolate pie that was at my elbow, or the brownies straight ahead on the table.   Did I want to? Well maybe a little, but my resolve is so much stronger, even in the midst of a crisis.
   So why do I write about this, because I want everyone to know that if I can change, anyone can.  
    I think if I was financially more stable the vegetable issue would be easier,  things  are pretty tight right now, but as soon as I can I am going to load up again, but really, a bag of spinach should not really be that hard to afford, its cheaper then a pizza.  
   So I am sticking to this despite everything else, I know as always I have my friends to help me keep my resolve,I know that I have a responsibility to be a good example and seriously I don't want to go back.  
   So two days until the weekend, I will get there, sink or swim?   Swim.  Swim to the shore.   Keep fighting, and know that God will keep me afloat, as he always has.  Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook
      

Waking up....

Still on the plan, still no sugar, flour, milk or meat.   Financially a bit set back, so I have to be careful of the food budget, but that is NO EXCUSE to eat bad food, and so far I  am not.  

I did go with my son to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the Hockey game the other night, was so tempted to order frys....but I did not.I ordered a side salad, and put naked {unfried} chicken tenders on it. No frys!  

   Also went to The Eagle Tavern Saturday, ate Trout and not one roll...Used to order a whole extra basket of them.  I feel good about these things because I am not letting tradition, and  food rule me.  It is a great feeling knowing you can walk away from frys and rolls, and the experience of going out is not diminished.  Now this may not seem like a big deal to some people but to me it takes a lot and it is getting easier.

   My job is getting very stressful, and it has turned my schedule upside down, and inside out.  I am not getting the time I had planned for Yoga in, so I am really going to have to dig deep to make the time I do have at home count.  I have to do some form of exercise,  Its just that I am maxed out at work, it is not easy to work in daycare, You have to be on 110%  all of the time, you can never let your guard down.  it helps that I love kids, and being with kids makes me happy.  But still I am in the process of healing, so I can't allow myself to not have some balance with work and rest.  

    I guess I am a little frustrated, but if I go back to my old ways, I could never keep up with all that I have to do, I have to move forward.  If I can come this far I know I can do more, Dig deeper if necessary,  I am determined to get closer to the life I want to lead.  

   My husbands progress has been amazing, with out me nagging, he is changing everyday, for the first time I can imagine him thinner, and with some self esteem, and certainly with more energy.  He is giving me some hope, which is what you want from a relationship.

  After the Accident our life changed, then stalled.  It feels as if we are waking up after a long dormant sleep.  All of this is possible because we are starting to care again, about ourselves, and each other.  

  So even though I am undergoing some stress, I believe that we are on the right track.  So I am ending this and my day on a positive note, and isn't that a great way to end the day?  Eat healthy, pray, and find the good.  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook.

   

A Titanic weekend!

I observed Titanics 100 year anniversary of her sinking this weekend.  Traveling to Greenfield village  to first attend opening day of the finest open air museum in the country with My friends the Giorlandos, we met up with more of our historical reenacting friends and ate at the Eagle Tavern, set in the 1850s.  I had a fine meal of Trout and boiled red potatos.  The ambiance of this historical restaurant always fascinates me, I never get tired of going back in history to eat here!  
  We spent the morning touring our beloved village, and catching up with many of the tour guides that know my historical friend Ken, but many recognized me too, even if they don't know me by name, seeing their smiles on opening day made me happy, and eager to start our reenacting season soon soon.

   The next part of our day was spent seeing the Big Titanic exhibit in the Henry Ford Museum,  As Gettysburg is a sobering reminder to me of the lost people in battles, so was the Titanic exhibit, especially on this anniversary.  Going to see these artifacts reminds us that these lost souls were not characters in a movie, but real flesh and blood individuals, they touched the items we are gazing at in the very normal act of living daily lives.  They for the most part were having the most amazing wonderful adventure of their lives, and it is shocking to this day that it ended so tragically .  Even those people who lived would never, or could ever be the same again.  
  I was touched by many thing in the exhibit, A simple bowler hat, a  mans  pair of shoes and clothing, the stunning jewelry.  I came away with a profound sense of sadness.  
  For the most part it is the classic story of heroes and villains, The very definition of class separation, the wealthy and the poor.  It is a tale that warns us that God is still in charge, and arrogance will be humbled.    
    But in the last moments of the ship, while more poor people perished, many of the richest people on board choose to die, and sacrificed themselves.  And in those last terrifying minutes truly it did not matter how much money they had they were all mixed up in it together in that icy water.  
   The world changed on that day, just as it has for all disasters that we go through,  people will want moment by moment coverage, they will feel shocked, they will pick their heroes and villains, they will pray, and show concerns, then they may want to forget what is painful and move on, until the next big disaster.  That is very human of us.  
    The Titanic and all of the lessons from it should not be forgotten, and here it is 100 years later and while we are interested in particular on the 100th, it has current news value, should it be plundered? Should it remain completely untouchable?  I will leave that up to personal discussion.
   I bought a shirt, and a white star plate at the store afterward, a little piece of history to take along, that is the reenactor , historian in me. 
   The next part of our Titanic weekend was the viewing of the James Cameron movie at Kens house, some more of our friends came.  Seeing the movie directly after seeing the artifacts put an interesting twist on the movie, I love the movie, and have seen it many times, but last nights viewing was very special, and moving to me.  We followed the movie with a discussion about the movie and the days events.  
  Since it was late, I stayed over, all night i could not help but think about the timeline of the accident, and what those people had gone through.   In the morning we watched deleted scenes from the movie.  Some of these lost scenes explained a few of the things I had often wondered about in the movie.
  So after a nice breakfast, eaten on my new plate, I went home, Titanic still heavily on my mind.
    As a historian it was a perfect weekend, filled with reference, great friends, great discussions, and the perfect blend of an enjoyable day, yet devoted to all that has come before us. 
   On a personal note,  I just want to again say how grateful I am to have such wonderful, and caring friends in a sometimes imperfect world, it is great to escape to a place that is warm, thoughtful and inviting.  Thanks, and thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook.
  
















































    

Random thoughts...

Been a long frustrating week for me.  My entire routine has been upended, so I am very tired, very grouchy and very out of sorts.   Still on the plan, but not getting the time to do everything I had hoped, grabbing quick bites, and not much time to really do my meditations, and I had hoped to really try more Yoga and exercise, thats been on hold.  But I have not ran to the junk at all, except for the popcorn, harder to give up then I thought. I think that is because I have not had the time to shop for an alternative healthy snack, expect for my Indian Sev noodles, which I need to let up on a bit, even though they are still gluten free.   So while all is not perfect in my world, I am still not letting it slip away.
   Had Titanic on the brain, Saturday will be spent at Greenfield village my home away from home. 100 years is hard to believe, my Great grandparents were married in 1912, and  my Great great Grandfather was suppose to be on the Titanic, but missed that ship, he was on the Mauritania, that sailed over the site, but by then there were no more survivors.   Saturday I am going to see the exhibit at the museum.  all ready saw the 3D MOVIE last week.  
    My son broke up with his long time on again...off again girl friend, so that has been sad for me.  Hard to accept people into your life, then have them gone, and its not anything you can have a say so about.  You just have deal with it.
    Its amazing how you can have all the best intentions in life, but things will always happen, some you can control and some not.  Still how you deal with things is your responsibility, self control, even temper, even in the midst of the storms we have to deal with. I struggle with that,  I have had a tendency toward sadness, self defeat, and self doubt,  I am hoping that my new lifestyle changes, nutrition, and meditation will help counter those feelings.  I also feel that I am a survivor, and that I can make things work out with my faith.  Sometimes just living is  so full of tricky turns, I am glad I am able to deal with everything as it comes.   
    This week I have as I said, not everything went according to plan, but I have not felt the need to punish myself, or reward myself with garbage food,  I hope that will always continue now that I am fully engaged in eating healthy.  I did find some time for meditation and prayer tonight, that always helps.   As for right now i am going to go to bed,I am pretty tired, glad tomorrow is Friday.  Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

Finding the positive!

Yesterday was Easter,  As I previously wrote about, I was unsure of how everything would go diet wise for me.  First major Holiday, First of all No jelly beans!  Second of all I found enough to eat, and did not break my plan, third I stayed away from the dessert table.  I had a wonderful time, very nice day, and i don't feel as if I missed out.  I ate salad, berrys, some Lima beans, and a bit of my moms famous green jello, that has been passed down from my Great grandparents time.   
   Only down thing for me was my Mom talking negatively about the fact that I am not on Medicine right now.  She has her views and I have mine, but one of the most important aspects of my new life plan is a positive attitude about life,   I personally don't care if people want to be on medication, if you want to be on them fine, but I think some people go on medication, then think that's a pass to eat what ever they want to.  Certainly it could only be a benefit to eat well, lose weight, get to the healthiest food possible and improve your life, no matter what your ailments are.  Even if you have to be on medication, the least amount needed would be beneficial to avoid the side effects.  
   My mother unfortunately tends to have a negative view , I can't let the detour me from where I want to go, I truly believe that most of what we do starts with the mindset, If I positively believe in this life plan is working, and other people have noticed a big change in me, looks, weight, attitude, then who is it hurting?  I am going by my thoughts on the medical profession, mainly the legal drug dealers, who are in it for a big profit. And by my very personal experience with what happened to me on the medication.  Yes I tend to have a pessimistic view on the  profit driven aspect our medical system.  I also don't blindly trust anybody, Doctor or not.  I am sure that there are great reasons to be on medications, and great Doctors,  but I know my situation, and I am very sure that I am on the right track.
   Thus being said I am going to stick with my plan and see where it takes me, if I am wrong then I will admit it here for everyone to see,  But as for today I am in so much of a  better place then I was just three months ago, I am happy, and enjoying life.  Three months ago I hated my life, and spent a lot of time crying.  I have a much better attitude, and its rubbing off on the people I am closest too.  
   I am more then determined, and again say that the lost cupcakes, and jelly beans mean nothing to me.  The positive feeling, the energy, and love of life is well worth it. I have faith that I am right about these things.  You have to be true to yourself, that's the best plan I know of!  Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook                                                  

                                                      
A beautiful sight to look upon!   This is just one of the reasons I am getting healthy, lots more of this to look forward too!

Just say YES!

Saying NO to so many things that I have to can be difficult,  But eventually you realize it is a good trade off to feeling better.   
   Perhaps you should think of  it really as saying YES instead, yes to feeling better, yes to clearer thoughts, yes to all of the Good things you never tried before because you had preconceived thoughts that you would not like that type of food, or drink.
    Some people I know have been on a Lenten fast, But as soon as its over many will go right back to the things they have given up.  
    I will continue giving up Red Meat, Dairy Milk, White Sugar, White Flour, Processed Foods, and what I call garbage foods.  I also gave up POP and Caffeine. 
   I would have to say I have not suffered at all from giving up these items, on the contrary, I wish I had done this a lot sooner!
   Now I am no diet Saint either,  Sometimes I do look at the Box Mac and cheese at work and have a wishful moment, or the jelly beans which have been all over work the last couple of days, But I have to keep on my plan if I want to see the results I am hoping for....For me there is no halfway, Each day you lose , is a day you will never get back, and restarting is so difficult.
  Also as a diabetic, I have to sometimes go deeper then I thought, like giving up POPCORN every night, That is a tough one,  I already gave up Cows milk and cereal at night, But it is worth it to me.
   Every person has to make their Diet...{LIFE}..plan personal, you have to look at what your goal is, and then realize once you get there, it would be for nothing if you just went back to doing everything that hurt you in the first place.  Food can medicine, and a great part of a healthy life, or if you choose the wrong foods, it can be poison to you, and shorten your days here on earth!  
  Personally looking at how much time I wasted, I just wish that everyone could see how much food effects us, and is a part of us. 
   A lot has been said recently about the cost of healthy food, and people are asking why does a Cheese burger cost 99 cents, and a salad costs 4 dollars, I think some of that is acceptance, but I think the extra cost of finding healthy food is well worth it,  If you have to give up something to gain health, and a better attitude towards living, then the so called cost is worth it!  
Take for instance the cost of my Tortilla chips, Mine are made with no preservatives, All kinds of healthy ingredients, like Flax seeds, they taste really good.  Doritos which have all kinds of additives, and turn your fingers orange, they cost the same as my chips do, around 4 dollars.
   A bag of Apples, compared to the cost of Ice Cream?  Baby Spinach, compared to the cost of Ground beef.  The cost of two people going out to a sit down dinner, with tip, compared to gathering up healthy grocery's for the week?  We only think we can't afford healthy food, it simply is not true. We have to have our priority's in place. 
   The cost of getting sick, is so much more then putting a few dollars extra into your health!
   There is so much that we have to think about when we decide to get healthy, it is so much more then just saying No to everything,  It is good to get together with friends who understand what you are trying to do, plan healthy dinners together, if you can exercise together, talk about what is important to you, and about your goals, Trying Great Health is contagious!  Just some more thoughts, Thanks for looking in. Mrs Cook


























   
   

Making life easier, one change at a time!

One of the things that I am finding out, now that I have chosen the world of the living, is that I am very annoyed at how unorganized I am.  I HATE wasting time looking for things!  This is hard sharing living space with other people. I suppose If I lived by myself I would live in this super clean ultra organized world, where I never lost anything.  Probably not though!  I have the other side to deal with,  the  crafter, collector., who never wants to throw anything away, because I might use it someday!   I saved all of my sons baby cloths for that reason, now should he decide to procreate his baby might not want Twenty five year old cloths, although the 80s styles will always be cool to me!
   I also probably don't need any more Teddy bears, even if I do only rescue Boyds, brown vintage looking Teddys.  But garage sale season is upon us, so I might have to find a few more unfortunate bears stuffed away in boxes that deserved a better fate!
  Now I am no hoarder, I do rotate the bears, and I do pretty much keep my ever growing miniature collection confined to the back room.  Of coarse My real life animal population keeps my house in an ever untidy situation, but unconditional love, or a super germaphobe home...I guess I made my choice there!  
   Still I long for a life where my keys are always in the same place, when I want to show a friend a favorite DVD, it would always be in the same location...and IN THE BOX!  My slippers always ready to be on my feet when I want them.  I would love to reach for the peanut butter, and have more then a half teaspoon left in the bottom.   A clean car...wishful thinking!
   Now I have to admit, since I am being honest here, its not really anybody that I live withs fault.  Most of the mess is mine.  Every now and then I get myself in a mood to fix some of it, like organizing the paper work, and I hung up some hooks, a simple solution.   I have been trying to put things in one place, like the car keys...side pocket in purse....purse on hook...
   Since I have been on my life plan, and all of the healthy changes I am making it only makes sense to make changes in other areas.  After all I am about peace, and I don't like drama in my life.  Clutter is drama to me, since I lose my peace the most when I can't find something.
   So my two sides are at war with each other, with neither is  winning the battle.  I suppose that is a good thing, because it sort of all  balances out. 
   Can't be a total germ freak, can't be a hoarder, I guess thats ok, but I will make changes to make live easier as best I can, Its all good!  
                                  Thanks for looking in, Mrs COOK  










































  

Just a little update.

Still going strong on my "Super food plan"   Could have reached a boring phase if I had just stuck to spinach salad, but I have been trying out some different things to make, especially since dining out really is not the same anymore! 
   Tonight I made black bean tacos, they were very good!   I have also created several times my Veggy spaghetti sauce,  I have some more ideas to try out, but I will say,   my hearty   Black Beans Tacos are so much better then the tacos I get at taco Bell,  The beans at Taco Bell are soupy and weak, and since I don't eat the meat, it is not very substantial.   Went to Mcdonalds today with a friend, I ate half an order of small frys, very BLAND, The great thing is  that all though I ate them and have no desire to blow three months of nutritional eating on this stuff!.   Came home and ate spinach salad,  Before I felt so deprived if I could not have my Mcdonalds, now I just feel annoyed if I do have to go there!
   My sugar numbers are still high, the culprit could be POPCORN, even though I looked it up and researched it, and it should not raise my sugar,I believe it does, and I am going to have to limit it, it is after all a starch.  It does not make sense to make all of the other changes, and blow it all on one thing.  I am going to cut it out a few days and see if that helps any.
    One thing on my diet is that I am seeking variety, I found out we have an Indian foods market right across from work, I probably passed it a thousand times, but they sell my SEV Noodles, made out of CHICK PEA FLOUR, non gluten and taste very good!   I love them in my salad!   We also have the Arabic store which sells LABNA, a thick Greek like yogurt.I have added brown Rice and lentils to my diet.  And of course The Mexican style food can be made very healthy as well.  I think if you can expand your horizons you would find plenty to eat on my diet plan.  I assure everyone I am NOT starving!  
   I make sure that I have a good combination of Protein, Carbohydrates, and Vitamins, I also eat healthy fats like avocado and Almonds. 
  I believe I am at a healthy  weight right now,  I would not mind getting to 120, but if I don't It is no big deal.  I am at 125, 126, right now.
   Best thing is my husband is getting the idea, he is out playing hockey, and really trying to eat healthier,  Maybe by next year our 25th anniversary he will look good and be fitter!   Well that's my update for tonight, Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook