Been a while since I was able to put my thoughts down. Following the big Titanic weekend I find myself in a similar situation at work right now. "You know, I believe this ship might sink!" " Icebergs, right ahead!" I am scared to death right now, because I can not afford to be out looking for work, I don't want to leave my job, and I certainly do not want to start over.
I had a dream I went to live with my old boss last night, yup it was a nightmare! It brought up all of the old bad feelings that I had over there.
As far as I am concerned I always do 110% wherever I am, I try to follow the rules ethical and otherwise. I do not work fast, I don't run and jump around a lot, I do dance, if that's what you call it! I like to sing. I take pride and owner ship where ever I happen to be. When I worked at Ferndale Rec, it was all on me, and I loved it. I would put in two hours prepping a one hour class!
Unfortunately I am not getting any younger, the wisdom of working with children for thirty years is there, and believe me I have seen it ALL!! But the body does not always cooperate.
I am still eating very well, and that has saved me during this very stressful time, but I slipped up a bit in my Vegetable intake, and did I feel it, back to spinach salads for dinner, Your body just knows when you are stressed and you have to do more, not less to combat it. How would eating garbage make me able to stand up to the stress?
I hear so many people say, "I deserve to eat{whatever}because I had a rough day" No you deserve to be healthy and strong, its not your bodys fault you are in a mess. And it will never help you to deal with life if you are sick and tired.
We had a luncheon yesterday at work, and as stressed as I am, I did not yield to the Chocolate pie that was at my elbow, or the brownies straight ahead on the table. Did I want to? Well maybe a little, but my resolve is so much stronger, even in the midst of a crisis.
So why do I write about this, because I want everyone to know that if I can change, anyone can.
I think if I was financially more stable the vegetable issue would be easier, things are pretty tight right now, but as soon as I can I am going to load up again, but really, a bag of spinach should not really be that hard to afford, its cheaper then a pizza.
So I am sticking to this despite everything else, I know as always I have my friends to help me keep my resolve,I know that I have a responsibility to be a good example and seriously I don't want to go back.
So two days until the weekend, I will get there, sink or swim? Swim. Swim to the shore. Keep fighting, and know that God will keep me afloat, as he always has. Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook
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