Changes....turn and face them.....

I am pretty down in the dumps today,   A friend suggested I vent. So here goes...   A lot has been happening lately that has been on my mind.    I think the first thing has been my Moms job loss,  It is so very hard to see somebody who works so hard get bumped out when the new company has come in.   Her age is working against her, she is a fighter, but time is going to happen, and you just can't stop it.   It affects us as Homeowners here in the park as well, because our payment arrangements will be affected, and of course its the great unknown.   
   My job is based on the economy,  I am always worried about a possible job loss, and picking up the pieces again.  I see things that worry me.  
  I am very worried that winter is approaching and there are things that I need to do,  I work so hard and it just does not cover whats needed, Dave was sent back to weekend purgatory, so its just me on the weekends to get what needs to be done, done.
  I am very depressed by the politics, and by the horrible devastation that these hurricanes and storms have brought to people.  It humbles me, it makes me feel bad about whining, but I have serious financial worries,  so as bad as I feel about everything, I am seriously worried. 
  I am worried about my son, whose life has seemed to stall at a crucial time when he should be building a future, as a parent i feel terribly guilty...Is it my fault?   Why can't he see what he is doing to his life....?   
   I am upset because as hard as I try, I just can't afford the food I need to stay healthy, although the will is still there,  I am not backing down on what I am doing, no fast food, no pizza, no hamburgers, hot dogs  cakes, donuts, ice cream, pretzels, No canned food, no donuts, no bagels, no cookies, no meat with preservatives, No chips, no fried food,etc, its been a long time now, almost a year.  I could do better, I need to do better, but I am limited on funds  I can feel the effects if I do not get the healthier food, it affects everything, from my mood to pain,   I can not imagine where i would be if I just went back to the way I was.  

What dealt me a blow today was that a friend told me that my favorite miniatures store will be shutting down.  Now if you don't know me you would probably say "so what, that's no big deal'   If you know me you would know that the store has been the center of my life for as long as I can remember, I sold my first miniatures when I was eighteen years old,  The owner was very kind to me and gave me the chance.  It created in me the ability for a shy, withdrawn girl to express herself.  it gave me confidence, and a lifetime of creating and selling my polymer clay creations.  
   Miniatures connect me to my Grandmother, who has long since passed away, but she shopped there, and when I am in my craft room surrounded by miniatures, some made by me, some made by her, I feel that she is with me. I wall papered my dollhouse with wallpaper she purchased at the store, when I inherited her miniatures after she passed. I taught miniatures at the store for many years, and met some wonderful people.  I sold miniature little people, food, teddy bears and other things there.  last year i had the opportunity to go behind the counter and fill in as a clerk.  I really can't do the money thing well, but did I LOVE talking about miniatures with people!  I knew where everything was on that floor, and I loved  showing people where things were.  I always felt that no matter how long between visits I could come in and be among good friends,  My heart is breaking if its true that I will never be able to do that again.  
There are no other stores close by.  Miniatures have gone the way of most Mom and Pop things,  You can buy on the internet, you can take your chances with goods made in other country's. But nothing beats holding the miniature in your hands, deciding, contemplating, talking it over with a real person.  

   Yes I suppose all good things change, But for today I just want to be sad,  I want to grieve the things in life that are going away or have gone away from me.  Whether its your parents getting older, Job security, Grandmas who are no longer with you, or things in your life that you always thought would be there.   I know tomorrow we will pick up the pieces, and move along.  Thanks for letting me vent a little bit.   Love to my friends, Mrs Cook