Fear of success No more HAPPY MEALS for me!

I am nearly a month into this new life style change, and I am going to be very honest here, I am AFRAID!   
   I have always tried to do this in fits and starts, but never was I totally as serious and focused as I am right now, but I recognize all of the signs and I am at a crucial point in this and it could all fall apart if I am not careful.  
  I weighed 125 today, I worked over ten hours today and I am not exhausted, I have been meditating and trying to find peace in me, even if its not all ways in the real world I exist in.  I ate all of my steamed broccoli for dinner.  Thats a milestone for me!
  Yet I still feel scared, because this new idea of me would have to be a positive person and believe in herself.  I no longer will be holding everybody's rapt attention as I complain about my various ailments.  I really no longer want to be the depressed exhausted person in the room.  I also have miles to go because I am planning on doing this not for a month or a year but for the rest of my life.  My Great grandparents, God bless them ate this way, and I remember as a little child, them eating Blue Berry's and they lived to be 90, and 99.
   It would be so easy for me to take the lazy way out and go back, I really could, but I pray I won,t.  My excuse for living kind of an underachieving life would be gone, no more excuses!
  I know that the benefits from this plan are out weighing the pull to eat bad, but this is all new to me.
   I was a fast food girl, and I thought it was my treat, my comfort, and my duty, especially to McDonald's to go there and spend my hard earned money supporting them.  The Happy meal was IT for me!  So sad, that I will have to spend years on my "Super Foods" plan to undue the damage that a lifetime of fast food, and junk food has done to me!
  You might not get how scared I am, but the pull of addiction is so hard to resist that it has to be a daily affirmation for me, especially as the pain fades, or the eyes clear up.  meditation everyday, praying everyday, resisting pressure, everyday.  Setting the time and money aside to make sure healthy food is always in the house, and taking the time to prepare it even when I am tired.   Thanks for looking in,  Mrs Cook

Updating my success so far!

When I went to the free clinic, all they could answer me was "Its just your Diabetes"   Every time I tried to tell them about the pain I was in and my almost overnight vision loss.  Two different practitioners said almost identical things to me.  
   It has been little less then a month since I started this "Super foods" approach to my Diabetes.  Although I have more to do, I am happy to report some major progress.
  I have very little pain.  I still have some odd little pains and stings, but the deep muscle pain that made me want to cry and the pain in my arms is gone.
  My eyesight is back to the level it was before, maybe a little clearer.
  If it was just my Diabetes then why have these changes occurred, when my numbers are still too high?  
  This is why I say  the medication was partly to blame.  I have also pretty much cut my caffeine by 90%. Caffeine,  according to some research I did can stimulate the nerves, causing increased nerve pain.
  I have also cut out white flour, white processed foods, and red meat.  This has been difficult, but faced with the kind of pain I was having, I have not only become used to it, I am really enjoying my new diet, and trying to eat more things I would never, or rarely ate before.  
   The biggest thing I am noticing is a new kind of energy, I used to be EXHAUSTED all of the time. I was depressed and thought about laying down from the time I got up to the time I came home from work.  I am finding I am doing more, even when I have the chance to lie down.  
  I am rereading some of my Diabetes books, and trying to find supplements I can take , since I do have a lot of allergy's and intolerances, I am just as wary of some of these supplements as I am of medication.  I have been taking extra C, D, E,  fish oil, Today I bought something I have been reading good things about called CoQ10.  It is a powerful Antioxidant for your heart. I need to get a good quality Multi vitamin.  it would be nice if we could get all of our Vitamins and minerals from our food,   But realistically that is very hard to do.  
  My next goal is that I hope the sugar numbers will begin to drop more.  I would like to get some more exercise, and continue to explore meditation and Yoga.  
  Everything I am doing is worth it.  So that makes it easier everyday to continue my health plans.  This is not the time to go backwards, I hope my progress will continue and I can write about the good things that are beginning to happen.   Thanks for looking in,  Mrs Cook

                                                     

How to party without insulting your host.

I went to a party the other night, the hostess made homemade Italian cookies, brownies and chocolate truffles were on the table.  There must have been 50 cookies on the platter, My friend worked all day to make them, so when I say "I can't" she gets a hurt look on her face.
   So what do I do?    I looked them over and took the smallest one I could find and ate it.  After that I skipped all the other sweets out on the table.  Considering the party was right after work and I had no dinner I suppose it was ok.  Now here's the good part, I don't consider my diet plan blown. I have stayed on track afterwards.   It does not have to be all or nothing.  I wish there was more healthy options available at the party, I could have stopped and picked up something healthy to contribute, but that still would not have solved the problem entirely.
   It goes back to when I wrote about temptation.  These are the kind of hurdles we face daily.  I don't want to be a dieting hermit, I am going to go to party's, and  out to dinner.  Realistically I am going to face these dilemmas.
  I am at a point where the benefits are slowly starting to come into play.  I do not want to go backwards.  I am going to do the best I can, most of my closest friends understand, and so when I go to their houses they are really good about providing something healthy for me to eat, and not urging me to break my diet plan.  But you are always going to be put in the situation I was in, It would be unrealistic to think otherwise.
  So take the lesser of two evils, and if you just can't eat one bad thing and stop, then don,t put yourself in that situation until you are stronger.
   Even if you totally blow it for a day, it is not too late to get back to your plan, But if it continues you would need to reaccess and be honest with yourself and find out whats going on.  Healthy  Food can be a wonderful thing, but the wrong food can ruin your life, and we are all worth so much more then that.


                    Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

Finding time to be reflective and prayerful Trying Yoga

The more sad things I see happening around me, the more important I see that having a faith based life can be the game changer, I don't mean political faith, I mean a gentle cleansing of the soul and time for reflection and gratitude.  A time to realize that you can't do this life by yourself, and getting your satisfaction from a bottle, or food or shopping or whatever fills that void is not going to get it done for you.   Empty needs to be filled.
  A wonderful Indian lady is going to help me with some Yoga practice, a way to calm my mind, breath and reflect.
  Now before anybody worries that that takes away from some Christian prayer, or whatever some people might say, I have read a book called, * PRAYER OF HEART AND BODY  Meditation and Yoga as Christian Spiritual practice*  BY Thomas Ryan.
  We are being exposed to so much noise and over stimulation that I think we forget that its O.K to be quiet sometimes.  I take time out everyday to light a candle, pray, read the bible, if I am having a bad day I try to name five good things that happened, or five things I am grateful for.  I hope some people don't see that as trite.  Good health involves so many facets of living, and having a strong mind is essential to overcoming so many barriers to your progress.  
   I do have trouble calming my thoughts down,  But I think it's so important to learn how to focus, I think that's why I have failed at my health, and doing some other things that could have benefited me. If you are sick it is hard to be of a strong mindset.
  I want to learn how to face life calmly and not to freak out when the challenges occur,  I want peace in a challenging world.
   I also believe that the gentle stretches in Yoga could help me with my pain, and my friend say's it can help aide digestion and other functions.   I will write about how this works out for me,   Thanks for checking in and I hope you have a joyful day.   Mrs Cook

Family members who try to sabotage your efforts.

I wrote a few days ago about how I avoided the PUNCKE trap on Fat Tuesday, I was pretty proud of myself, but unsure of how I would have reacted had some been put out in front of me, Delicious sweetness, with razzberry filling gushing out as you bite into that wonderful soft pastry.!    Or the Bavarian Cream, That was my Heaven!   Actually a  diabetic  nightmare!
  So imagine my surprise and dismay when I came home from work yesterday to find a six pack of them, Razzberry, Apple and Bavarian cream!  Sitting in a prominent place on the counter!  My husband bought them and placed them there, "Why I asked diid you do that?"   "Because I did not get one" he says!  
   I was very angry but I walked away, sputtering. 
  Now My husband weighs 300 pounds, does no exercise at all, and works only two days a week.  I am trying to figure out the motivation for him to bring those doughnuts home.  I am into my diet plan now over three weeks, he sees me eating salad, he knows I have given up McDonalds, I eat Red beans instead of meat, he knows in particular I have given up white bread and most white foods, I gave up Diet pop, I ate no part of the double chocolate birthday cake,He made for his birthday.  
  His father did the same to his Mother a severe Diabetic who died at the age of 60.  So this is a pattern, but I suspect that there is more involved. Most obese people love to keep company with those who are the same, it is intimidating to them to see others try, and even succeed at what they themselves are unwilling or unable to do.  Misery loves company!
  What I don't get is that both his parents were diabetic, as was his grandmother who also died at 60, that's only a mere 15 years away, and his father also had a quadruple heart attack, that nearly killed him. As it was his death  came after an agonizing summer in which he suffered horribly.
   Knowing all of this he brings those D@#@!!!  Donuts home!  
  I am drawing a line in the sand here, because what I have started to achieve means more to me then those donuts, and I am just going to keep doing what I am doing, and he can make the choice whether he lives or dies.  Is that harsh?  I don't think so, it is taking all the energy I have to escape my own Diabetic fate, I will try to be a good example, keep being positive and fight this battle,  I don't know how to get him on board, I may not be able to.  Its like I said before, no body can change their life unless they truly want to.  
  But I am going to refuse to fall into the trap, that just because a bad food is put in front of me, I do not have to go there!  

  So I am Angry today, that is  pretty honest, but I continue to be proud of myself and the effort I am making.  Thanks for checking in!  Mrs Cook

My Alter Ego Mrs Cook part four How she became Unhinged

The evening before she was going to go to meet her Husband, There was two horrible events that would be so tragic that Mrs Cook would suffer the consequences for the rest of her life.  Her home where she had resided for her entire married life became engulfed in flames!  While she and her sons fiance escaped with their lives, and a few packed bags, The home was an entire  loss.
  She managed to save her boarding passes, and some money.  A neighbor offered to buy her remaining stock, at a reduced rate to take it off her hands very quickly.  And so the life she had know was gone forever.  She would become very bitter about the war and southerners because she was sure that if her husband and son had been at home her home probably would have been saved!  
  Little did she know that that very day a letter was being sent informing her that her husband had been wounded when a cannon had accidentally been fired and her husband had been knocked unconscious by the  blast. She did not know he was being transported to a hospital in another city, not her original destination!  
  Mrs Cook had never been to a big city, and her fragile state of mind did not have her prepared for the sights and sounds of a place that was so effected by the war, soldiers were everywhere, men and woman shuffled about in a hurry, she needed to find her husbands unit, but she had no idea of where to look.   
Her sons fiance tried to help but she too was  overwhelmed by everything.  They managed to find a place to board, but it was very expensive, and took more money then they had planned on.  
  Their disheveled appearance had caught the eye of someone else, an escaped prisoner and a very desperate and dangerous man.  He watched for them and was determined to make his move on the unwitting travelers.
   It did not take him long.  His name was Charlie and he was starving and desperate to escape south,  he had been captured but he was crafty and had escaped.  The two woman he had his eye on, were newly arrived and he figured they had money on them.  As they left the boarding house the next day, he followed them, and then came around towards the back of them, Charlie put a knife to Mrs Cooks throat, and said "Sister don't want to hurt you but you had better hand over that bag you got and do not scream!"  Mrs Cook fainted, and her sons fiance tried to catch her, She caught a glance of him as he ran away, long yellow hair flowing out, and the ripped and dirty cloths that the Reb wore. In his hands he  carried away all of what was left in the world that they had! 
  A young soldier saw the young woman struggling to help the older woman and rushed to her aide, "What happened" He asked looking around to see, "We were robbed!"  she told him crying, by that time more people had gathered
  And a few of them ran to see if they could find the Reb, Charley, but he had vanished out of sight!   Tomorrow A glimmer of hope, Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook











    

Fat Tuesday update on my Health Progress

Today is Fat Tuesday. Happy to report I had no Punchke today{ I know i can't spell it! }  Had one been put in front of me I might have caved, but I did not seek it out and none came to me!  So lately I have been noticing some progress, I have not been in too much pain, and my energy level is rising.My morning numbers are down slightly, I still might give in and go back on Insulin, but since I am still really sticking to this I am not ready to give in yet!   My wonderful friend Patty gave me a book to read about Diabetes called,"Beat diabetes Naturally"  So far it has been really good, but pretty honest that I might have to go back to the shots.  
  One thing I do lack is exercise, however I do justify that by the hard work I do at work, on my feet all day, washing dishes, mopping floors, lifting the mop bucket, running all over the building when the girls need something.  But I know that I need to do more. I want to go back to doing some Yoga, I have a mat, and a lovely lady at work who could show me some stretches and movements.  I am not ready for any kind of High impact exercise yet, I am to fresh from the pain I was in,not too long ago.  I am looking forward to more daylight hours so that I could take some walks when I get home from work.  
   All in all I would say I am much happier then I was just a month ago. I feel hopeful that I can keep up my plan.  My vision has really improved and I no longer need new glasses as I thought I did.  The other day at sunset I really could see very sharp details on the trees as the sunlight was striking them, It was so beautiful, and the childrens faces at work are no longer blurry at a short distance away!  

   So the challenge now is to get those sugar numbers down, I am sure the more active and less fatigued I am, and the more activity I am up to, the numbers should move.  I will be very disappointed if they do not, but I find it very interesting that the positive reaction to my body is occurring without a huge number drop, proof that the medications were messing me up?   I also have little caffeine now, and no white flour products.  I don't know, I am open to all thoughts about this.  I do know that this positive reaction gives me the incentive to resist the bad food that was causing so much pain.  Thanks for looking in, Mrs Cook

No more of this!