I am pretty down in the dumps today, A friend suggested I vent. So here goes... A lot has been happening lately that has been on my mind. I think the first thing has been my Moms job loss, It is so very hard to see somebody who works so hard get bumped out when the new company has come in. Her age is working against her, she is a fighter, but time is going to happen, and you just can't stop it. It affects us as Homeowners here in the park as well, because our payment arrangements will be affected, and of course its the great unknown.
My job is based on the economy, I am always worried about a possible job loss, and picking up the pieces again. I see things that worry me.
I am very worried that winter is approaching and there are things that I need to do, I work so hard and it just does not cover whats needed, Dave was sent back to weekend purgatory, so its just me on the weekends to get what needs to be done, done.
I am very depressed by the politics, and by the horrible devastation that these hurricanes and storms have brought to people. It humbles me, it makes me feel bad about whining, but I have serious financial worries, so as bad as I feel about everything, I am seriously worried.
I am worried about my son, whose life has seemed to stall at a crucial time when he should be building a future, as a parent i feel terribly guilty...Is it my fault? Why can't he see what he is doing to his life....?
I am upset because as hard as I try, I just can't afford the food I need to stay healthy, although the will is still there, I am not backing down on what I am doing, no fast food, no pizza, no hamburgers, hot dogs cakes, donuts, ice cream, pretzels, No canned food, no donuts, no bagels, no cookies, no meat with preservatives, No chips, no fried food,etc, its been a long time now, almost a year. I could do better, I need to do better, but I am limited on funds I can feel the effects if I do not get the healthier food, it affects everything, from my mood to pain, I can not imagine where i would be if I just went back to the way I was.
What dealt me a blow today was that a friend told me that my favorite miniatures store will be shutting down. Now if you don't know me you would probably say "so what, that's no big deal' If you know me you would know that the store has been the center of my life for as long as I can remember, I sold my first miniatures when I was eighteen years old, The owner was very kind to me and gave me the chance. It created in me the ability for a shy, withdrawn girl to express herself. it gave me confidence, and a lifetime of creating and selling my polymer clay creations.
Miniatures connect me to my Grandmother, who has long since passed away, but she shopped there, and when I am in my craft room surrounded by miniatures, some made by me, some made by her, I feel that she is with me. I wall papered my dollhouse with wallpaper she purchased at the store, when I inherited her miniatures after she passed. I taught miniatures at the store for many years, and met some wonderful people. I sold miniature little people, food, teddy bears and other things there. last year i had the opportunity to go behind the counter and fill in as a clerk. I really can't do the money thing well, but did I LOVE talking about miniatures with people! I knew where everything was on that floor, and I loved showing people where things were. I always felt that no matter how long between visits I could come in and be among good friends, My heart is breaking if its true that I will never be able to do that again.
There are no other stores close by. Miniatures have gone the way of most Mom and Pop things, You can buy on the internet, you can take your chances with goods made in other country's. But nothing beats holding the miniature in your hands, deciding, contemplating, talking it over with a real person.
Yes I suppose all good things change, But for today I just want to be sad, I want to grieve the things in life that are going away or have gone away from me. Whether its your parents getting older, Job security, Grandmas who are no longer with you, or things in your life that you always thought would be there. I know tomorrow we will pick up the pieces, and move along. Thanks for letting me vent a little bit. Love to my friends, Mrs Cook
Been a while since I wrote, been a little bit down lately, still fighting hard to stay healthy, it is my financial situation that is hurting my efforts, but I have really stuck to my plan despite this, because all though I can't buy all of the healthy food I want to buy, I have not used this as an excuse to eat junk food. I have been to party after party where I did not eat hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, passed on cakes and Ice cream and cookies. My only offense was eating chicken nuggets at work. I can feel the regression when I don't eat the greens, I am craving broccoli, I don't have the money to buy my vitamins. I am really angry because I have been working so hard and I am just not making it. My dog is sick, I have to make some decisions as to her well being and my sanity very soon. It costs so much to have a sick animal, I can't let my bills go to save her,The thought of putting her down over this makes me sick.
Also winter is coming up very quickly and I HAVE to have new tires on the car by the snowfall.
Still I am more determined then ever to stay healthy. My husband told me tonight that potato chips are not fried anymore.........REALLY! I thought he was making progress, but that's really just unbelievable!!
I find that life is like swimming upstream all of the time. I take pride in being a battler, but sometimes you just wish for a break.
So yes, I am a bit on the depressed side right now, but I am not going to let that overwhelm me. I see so many people battling depression, but they continue to eat bad food, sweets, drink too much, etc....I just want to shake them and say don't you get it....what you put into your body is EVERYTHING!!!
Politics is really so frustrating for me....I have a strong viewpoint, but I mostly have to sit on it....still hate the nasty back and forth it has become.
Have not worked on any clay projects lately. I have an idea to get some people together to help defray the cost at the craft mall, have not gotten past the idea stage yet, but I am going to need to get busy very soon if i am going to have any money for the holidays. I have been working on the dollhouse, I think I see the end in sight for the roof, been putting on shingles for nearly the whole year. Figured out a problem that was bugging me. I take it has real progress when I can get in there on a weekday to work, esp since my weekend are often so tied up.
Done some Civil war but financially it has been hard this year, great time at Greenfield village. I am going to take some days off for vacation, would love to go to Frankenmuth for the day. I plan on camping at Wolcott Mill, lets hope that all works out.
I have more to say, but for today I am pretty tired. Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook
A reenactor friend of mine has posed the question, basically asking why it annoys many of us to be complimented on our "COSTUMES"....
I have given this much thought so here is my answer to her, and any one else who would ask the question.
A long time ago a debate arose in the miniature world about the use of the word "CUTE" Now its true that some miniatures are cute, but what that mean? Cute like kittens? Cute like fuzzy bunny's?....
Some people who are miniaturists spend long hours replicating something in what we call scale, usually one inch to a foot, often it is furniture. The craftspeople would study exact dimensions, spend hours carefully carving and sanding, waxing and buffing, to have an exact replica of the piece they were trying to duplicate. In a photograph you would not be able to tell the difference between the full size of the item and the scale size item. Another issue would be price, a hand crafted museum quality piece could cost hundreds to thousands of dollars.
Would anyone who had real knowledge of what goes into creating that item call it "CUTE"?
To me a "COSTUME" involves plastic, velcro, zippers and the like, or it is something people pick out of their closets to walk in the town parade for their victorian days festivals, they are well meaning and having fun, but they are not educated, they have not studied about what it means to be period correct, While many of us started reenacting in similar outfits, we quickly realized that something was wrong and most of us correct it.
Education and caring about what you wear helps the experience and helps bridge the gap between amatures, and true "LIVING HISTORIANS"
You will also go from camp sitters, to educators, by having a deeper knowledge of what you do, and showing it.
I would like to think you could step into this room!
So when well meaning people call my outfit a "Costume" I just smile and say "thank you" But if a fellow reenactor calls it a costume, I would not like that at all. You feel that if someone calls your hard work "CUTE", Or your carefully prepared, period correct outfit a "COSTUME" it is demeaning, and devalues the hard work, cost and time spent on what you have done to look as authentic as possible!
"Cute" we are not! But does it look like we stepped back into time? I hope so!
I hope not to give anyone the impression I am "Thin skinned" about all of this "CUTE" and "COSTUME" business, its just that I take my interests seriously, and so do most of the miniaturists and living historians I have the great pleasure to call my friends ,but this is the reason I would prefer it if people could use other words to describe things.
We would never ever berate anyone who admires our hard work,and calls it "CUTE or a "COSTUME", maybe just cringe a little on the inside, So if anyone takes the time to talk to us we will listen, answer questions, and be thankful that they care enough to come out and see what we do. Thanks for looking in, MRS COOK
Just an update, been very busy at work lately, so I have not had much time to write.
People are probably wondering about my diet, Still sticking to the major parts of my plan, No flour, Milk, white sugars, Dark Colas, Coffee and very little white foods. Turned my Dad down for an ice cream stop yesterday...As time goes on this has gotten easier for me, Financially it is hard to always have all of the good food I want around, But I still am not backing down, I refuse Mcdonalds and Burger King, I have become accustomed to turning down cakes, Cookies, Donuts etc...
My Dad complimented me yesterday, and that was very meaningful to me, He said" Whatever I was doing looks like its working" and that I looked better. That means a lot to me.
My work has changed and sometimes this can be very stressful, but by getting a handle on my diet, I find that it makes it easier for me. I will be honest here I am not checking my sugar enough, but when I was, the numbers seemed to drop some, I suppose this will be a slow process as my body heals. It took a long time to mess it up, and it will take a long time to get better.
I am nearly six months into this "Super food plan" I have no desire to go back now, and I rarely if ever have any regrets, Maybe when I couldn't have the rolls at the Eagle Tavern, or will pass up my favorite Ice Cream bar at the fire works. But here's the deal....One slip up can lead to another and another, I have written about all of this before, Since I refuse medication, I have to be hard lined about this, this is my life, and Cookies, and fatty cheeseburgers, Pizza, Hot dogs Fried Chicken,etc... will take that life away from me, not add to my life. I had to say..."Enough is enough!" And I meant it....
I have had changes at my work, and now Dave has gotten the shift he has wanted at his work for two years. For the last couple of years Dave has had to work 22 hour weekends, which meant no activity's, including Civil War reenacting, weekend B.B.Qs, movies, or anything....On the other hand I have had complete freedom on the weekends to do what ever I wanted. It will take some adjusting to, but I think it will work out. As far as Civil War goes this will free me up to do more weekend camping events, and allow Dave to participate. he has missed so much, including the Christmas party's, which he loves to cook for.
So that is a quick update on whats been going on in our lives, Jordan, Scotts Girlfriend, has been staying with us since her terrible house fire, Nice to have another female around this place! We have a wonderful relationship with our neighbors, and their wonderful little boy, he comes over and shares my Popcorn with me at night, and believe me I don't share my Popcorn with just anybody! As always wish the finances would catch up, but I have been blessed with great people in my life, so life is good right now, enjoying the summer so far. Take it easy, and thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook
Casey is snoring under the desk as I write this! She is dreaming of visiting all of the neighbors around here! Her favorite activitity!
So I am going to take some wild turns in this blog, but I hope it all ties in!
Last week was a wild roller coaster ride of emotions, From the Greenfield village reenactment, to the fire that devastated the home of My sons Girl friend, I have done a lot of thinking about life, and possessions and such. When we do camp at Civil war, esp those who would open our tents to the public, we really for the most part , take what we need, now don't laugh , some of you who haul my stuff, I have a bed, a table, a trunk that stores my clothing, some dishes, writing materials, a lamp, a broom. I have some food, a carpet that keeps the coldness and dampness down. For the Out side, I have food storage, a shelf, some tables and chairs. Since I do conduct a laundry business, and Cook I have the implements needed to have a fire, haul water and hang up laundry.
It all fits in one van. Wagon size.
Nothing I bring is for show, it is the basics needed to live, I use everything, and If I find that something is not being used, I dump it from the kit.
My luxuries if you will, include a few photographs, some basic jewelry kept in a little box, a bible, and my pipe, and tobacco. I have a beautiful little mirror that I like.
I suspect that most poor folk of the era, and that is what I portray, made do with pretty much the same.
In our little community, the folks share what they have if there is a need, You can borrow, or barter goods, or services. The community works for the good of all its citizens.
Now look around your house, how much is there that is truly needed for survival, and how much is for comfort? I for one have a ton of cloths, books, teddy bears, things collected from nearly fifty years of life. It is my world.
Imagine if in just a few moments it was all gone. Scotts girlfriend, Jordan is living that right now. She showed me the pictures, her clothing is all melted together, her bed is a twisted mess, her parents bedroom now has sky for a ceiling. A lifetime gone in a flash.
From imagined horrors of war, to a real life tragedy, in just a few days time.
But one thing in common, is community, the want to help, the ability to help this girl, we will share what we have, and our home, and many others have stepped up as well.
So I guess the message is don't take what you have for granted, we were lucky that Jordan and her family were not injured, love the people in your life as deeply as you can, and don't isolate yourself from family and friends, don't let little annoyances, turn into big battles.
Don't forget to be thankful.
Possessions define us somewhat, but it is the memory's that come from our connections to people that will last forever, and comfort us in our troubles, and sustain us in our lives. I hope everyone has a truly wonderful day today, Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook.
I just saw a comment from someone who had taken a ten year old to a reenactment, the person was complaining that we don't show the horrors of war properly. I am not sure how graphic he wanted us to be, after all we have to balance between entertaining people and teaching people. If we really showed a true battle scene, with corpses, blood and flying limbs, very few people would come out, especially with family's. As I pointed out, History with all its graphic details is available to everyone. As this persons ten year old grows and matures he can learn and see pictures about war, and all of its horrors.
We do as reenactors have a job to do, and our number one priority, we must honor those who came before us. We have to show the public that we are taking our history seriously, that we care about the people whose lives we are portraying. because people are watching us. If we act silly or don't care about putting on a display without plastic bottles, or cell phones, then people will have disrespect for us as reenactors.
Nothing makes me angrier then when we are portrayed as idiots in the movies, or television. We have to fight that by being the best historians, and presenters that we can possibly be, by knowing our history, by sharing our history in a noble way, and by realizing that we need the public if we want interest in our reenacting to grow and continue.
So as our season begins in earnest, please keep in mind that not only does the public see what we do, but other reenactors have devoted their lives to teaching properly the lessons of history, time and money goes into the serious reenactors portrayal. Anybody has the means to go modern camping, but to devote yourself to the entire Civil War experience, to be cold or hot, to get rained on, to have bug bites, to get tired from hauling, and cooking, that's the beginning of understanding just what "they" went through, and so much worse then even we can imagine.
So lets get out there and fight for their honor, and our reputations, and have a great season! Mrs Cook Laundress
Recently I ventured away from my no comment rules about some things I saw in a loved ones postings that I bothered me.
It was about profile pictures and such that I saw as very negative to that persons outlook on life. It may seem silly to some, but I have always been a firm believer that you should surround yourself with positive images, especially when you are going through tough times. How you see yourself is a reflection of who you are, and where you are in life.
I believe that we as people are here to reflect on Gods will, I think this matters as a place to start in life. I believe in a loving God that does not spend his time punishing people, but has given us a refuge and a place to go when life has gotten hard.
After our car accident, I had two roads to go down, blame God for allowing it, or thank God for saving us, after all we survived didn't we.
I also have a disease that probably will shorten my life, but I thank God that through his strength I have found coping skills that have steered me away from obesity, and I have found the benefits of eating healthy.
I Thank God that he has always put things into place in my life that kept me from going over the edge.
This is why when I see a person represent themselves with very negative images, I get upset by that. Life is TOO SHORT, I have gone through and have seen things that are upsetting, but I have managed, and I say only with Gods great plan for me, to have a loving family, the most comforting and wonderful friends, a husband who loves me, a son I love so much, survival skills at my job. I am surrounded by children, who I love and who love me, I come home to my loving pets, I am surrounded by things that comfort me, Books, pictures, antiques, things that were once my beloved Grandmas, and yes, my Teddy bears. These are all things that comfort me and make me happy when I am feeling depressed.
I am not saying all of this because I think life is easy, I think it is very hard, and harder at times. I am saying this because I think its just not right to dwell on the negative. Some people use music to find comfort, some people plant gardens, some people have miniatures, or build models,or are into horses, :) But the center has to be built on faith, reach out to good positive people, draw in positive energy to you. Then you get to pay it back, and that feels even better.
As I say, {And Ferris } "Life is short, you better look around, or you might miss it." If you are miserable, pray, throw out the negative, and pull that good energy in, don't beat yourself up about the past and things you can't change, but move forward, start a new day, even a new life. I know its not easy, each day is a challenge, but if I can do it, anyone can, its just a gift to have life, don't let it go to waste. Now go out and have a great day. Thanks for checking in, Mrs Cook
